Jul

30

Coming home from our camping trip in King’s Canyon in June, I visited a ‘Big Cat’ Reserve. As we toured the facility and were educated, the lions, panthers and leopards, lazily lounged in the hundred degree heat. Despite the wire cages, it was clear who was in command: the Cats. Confident, alert, relaxed -they were the main show, watching us watching them. When I got home I looked at little Obi, my house cat with big cat energy, in a new way. I better understood his nature. When he corners scorpions, plays cat and mouse with mice, and tours the territory of our property like a warden looking for parolees, my cute little cuddly cat is big cat fierce: territorially claiming his space. When I want him to be a teddy bear, he plays when he feels like playing. With his playful bites and mews, regal Obi tells me enough when he’s had enough. This cat demands respect. In fact, every cat household knows who is really in charge: the cat and the cat gets his way because the cat is utterly comfortable in it’s way. It’s as though he were born knowing exactly what to do, to be a cat. No ambiguity, no self-questioning, supple natural-ness is the Cat’s first skin. Like Leo, the Cat lives without apologies, second-guessing and worry about his reviews. About what you think, the cat is unconcerned. If only we humans knew how to do that…

At the Cat Reserve, the main attraction, the famed Bengal tiger, was away doing a publicity fundraising tour down in Hollywood. We wanted to ooh and aawh over the Bengal tiger’s star power. We similarly admire Hollywood’s celebrities, performers, artists for their fierce creative power and their noticeability- those lucky ones who got noticed. We sometimes mistakenly believe that fame is a sign of luck (and not an overactive imagination in need of creative discourse and a block of wood, camera or pen). We also can mistakenly believe that fame somehow makes them invulnerable to the human frailties we feel. For instance, we can’t imagine that an actress, just minutes before opening night, suffered a panic attack- when what we see onstage minutes later is a flawless five star performance. Under pressure, even Big Cats get panicked & afraid. On our tour, our guide pointed out a black leopard who had an unusually short tail. He had been placed in a stressful environment that made him anxious – so anxious that he chewed off his own tail. This made everyone cringe in shared empathy; we understand how anxiety can gnaw at us to the point of self-abuse.

I am always working on better understanding the creative beast; what drives it, feeds and nurtures it. With my Fifth House ruler, Uranus, on my Ascendant -it’s a lifelong project. Last year was a public year for me, one in which through promoting my book I’ve come to understand new dimensions of that beast. In a baptism by fire, my very first public ‘performance’ was on live TV. I can’t communicate how utterly terrified I was. Wait, let me try: I thought I was going to die. Yet to watch the clip (which I only did once – I am unable to watch it again) it was decent, if not cute. I thought each consecutive public appearance since would get easier but I still fret. I worry I’ll stumble, be inarticulate, or won’t be able to answer audience questions, and the worst fear of all -that I’ll get hecklers, critics and ultimately poor reviews which will paralyze me for life. None of this has actually happened; in fact, quite the opposite. When I get ‘onstage’ I instantly relax. My breathing slows. My senses quiet. I become unusually grounded, my feet feel more on the ground than they are normally. Who I am on the inside is so perfectly melds with who I am on the outside that I experience an embodied feeling of alertness, ability and supple confidence. I feel very much in my element; like this is the most natural thing ever. The embarrassing thing is, this is so very unlike the person I was a few minutes before that I think she’s (I’m) an entirely different person. I’ve come to call this person ‘the Performer’, and she is very different from ‘the Creator’. I understand that The Performer needs to put it all out there for the world to see, but the Creator is very, very nervous about this prospect. Before the Performer, she didn’t have to deal with performance anxiety. She wondered, why bother? To not bother is to risk making the Creator and her contributions, invisible. To not bother is to lose the creative thrill of being alive, Leo.

“To perform for the world is to trust it. That unquestionable trust in life is Leo’s Holy Grail.” – Steven Forrest, The Inner Sky

Where can you practice putting your trust in the world by daring to perform, create, re-create, be spontaneous, open your heart wider and dare to shine? Look to where Leo falls in your chart (click here). Can you do something self-daring, self-affirmative, creative, fun and self-risky? What if we fail? What if we bite off more than we can chew? What if… These aren’t anxieties any Leo should spend any time on. At Leo New Moon celebrate life by saying Yes, this is who I am!, a self- affirmation that Yes, it is safe to be me! At this Leo New Moon, practice saying, I trust you life. Say Yes to You.

Share and Enjoy:

No related posts.

Comments

3 Responses to “Leo New Moon: Say Yes to You”

NR on July 30th, 2011 11:37 am

Thanks for sharing, Jess. xxx
Mona on July 31st, 2011 8:35 am

oh, my I have a leo rising and a leo ruled second house of money…I am roaring to get on with the ‘yes to mo money’
Vicki on August 1st, 2011 11:30 am

My 11th house Leo Venus has a Dream on this her annual return day. Thanks for the dose of feline courage Jessica! purrrr

Leave a Reply