Saturn in Sagittarius: B* Slapped By The Unfamiliar

free_falling

Last night I was bitch slapped by Saturn.

Specifically, by Mars in Pisces, transiting my fifth house of risk, performance and self-expression, squaring Saturn in Sagittarius, now located in my second house of self-esteem.

What comfort zone was I pushed to face? I threw myself directly into the fire of my fears and went to a “speaking circle”, a way of being with an audience through“relational presence” (It’s not public speaking, the founder told me, it’s having an intimate conversation with each audience member). Essentially, it was eye-gazing (which I’m familiar with through spiritual exercises) – except you’re being intimate with total strangers while speaking (or not speaking), spontaneously and unrehearsed. For 3 and then 7 minutes. While being recorded on a camera. Oh, okay, why not just have your toenails pulled out, you ask? Or hey: wanna go scare up some mountain lions? [Read more…]

The Final Degrees of Saturn in Scorpio: The Last Gasp

viking-funeral

Last Monday (at the Mars-Pluto conjunction), my cousin’s wife’s young sister was murdered by her boyfriend- who then suicided. Mid-week, we heard sad news of Thich Nhat Hanh’s precarious health. Saturday, my maternal grandmother died.  Though I didn’t know my cousin-in-law’s sister, and since their move to the West Coast, from Ohio, we’re still just getting to know her, my heart trembled with horror. Overnight, jokes about violence have become distasteful. A picture of Annie Oakley on my Facebook feed with the supposed quote, “I ain’t afraid to love a man. I ain’t afraid to shoot him, either.” I would’ve found this funny, previously. Death changes things. [Read more…]

Saturn Transits The First House: The Life Waiting For You

With Saturn now moving retrograde, I figured I’d check in on how I’m faring with Saturn. Saturn has been transiting my first house since September 2011. I had been looking forward to Saturn leaving my twelfth house like I looked forward to being released from an obligation I had no interest in keeping; in my twelfth, Saturn had taught me to quiet down, stop working so hard, to chill out. Dialing back and losing focus in the diffuse awareness of the twelfth house does not and did not feel natural to me. With a score of like 65 on Donna Cunningham’s Cardinal-o-meter, I flip flopped like a fish out of water. Not until Saturn entered the twelfth house did I realize how much my identity was fused with doing instead of be-ing. The week of Saturn transiting the first, initially felt like a release from bondage. That week, I reconnected with parts of my self I thought I’d lost by attending a high school reunion, and taking an art class with a master artist. In a very real sense, this was the beginning of the rediscovery of the self. But after the initial homecoming, I had to let go of that nostalgic self-reunion. There’s a Joseph Campbell quote that speaks directly to what takes place during the shift from Saturn from the twelfth into the first house(s), “We must be willing to get rid of the life we have planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” [Read more…]

Saturn In Scorpio: The Irresistible Pull of Transformation

“..light’s blinding no way dividing what’s yours or mine when everything’s shining/Your darkness is shining, my darkness is shining, have faith in our selves…” Truth by Alexander

Want to do that life-changing thing you’ve been putting off for so long? Are you ready for transformation– and deathly afraid of it? Want a deeper relationship to your self, your body, the people you love -to life itself? They say to truly live, we’ve got to be willing to die; to claim our power we must look at what we reject, fear, call “bad” or “wrong” in our self. To befriend our wholeness in totality, we need to bring the darkness in our Self, to light. Welcome Saturn’s entry into Scorpio (10/5/12 -9/17/15, with 12/23/14-6/16/15 in Sagittarius).

The Irresistible Pull Of Transformation

Change and transformation – how to do it, what’s keeping us from achieving the transformation we soul desire, holds a special magnetism while Saturn transits Scorpio. Like reaching the promised final layer of an onion, many of us will want to address that thing holding us back from full-on transformation. Once we sing that battle cry for change, we will also likely instantly run into our own defenses and resistance to letting go into change.  As one women said to me recently, “I want to change – but on my own terms!” Of course Life will not oblige that request. We cannot give Life a list of our conditions and terms for our change and transformation any more than we can ask for a money back guarantee on a potentially rewarding/risky investment. During Saturn’s transit through Scorpio we may feel afraid to change, of death, loss, yet the pull of transformation is irresistible and related to our maturity. We need to clearly see death, change, loss, psychological awareness as apart of a leading a whole life. No more deceiving our self, or others -God of Karma, Saturn, won’t let us get away with it.  If Saturn in Libra left us with a legacy, it’s this: the full truth is far more satisfying than half-truths. [Read more…]

Saturn-Venus Transits: When Love Is Not Enough

2004-05. It was a Saturn-Venus transit, Saturn conjunct my natal Cancer Venus and Vesta conjunction, when I began practicing my most potent and life-changing law of attraction work. I knew I wanted to attract the love of my life, and that I was R-E-A-D-Y. But I also knew that wishful thinking, separated from personal accountability and working on the core issues that were keeping me in spin out cycles of attracting, and falling for, the wrong guy, added up to exactly that: wishful thinking. After one final spin-out, I decided I needed to show the Gods that I wasn’t a wimp, and that I was up to the task of learning about my blind spots and blocks and so knowing Saturn rewards hard work and perseverance, I took action, putting intention into concrete acts like: rituals, spell casting, prayerful walks, reciting mantras, writing letters to cupid, making peace with my loneliness, working out my father issues. That period was marked by the practical application of Saturn’s tools, steady self-discipline, diligence, alone-time, accountability, taking responsibility for my entire experience. [Read more…]

Saturn Transits The Twelfth House: What Have You Got To Lose

Chinese Screen by Jon Stevenson

Saturn has been transiting my Twelfth House for almost the full 2 ½ years and it’s taken me that long to write a blog about this incredibly mysterious and profound transit. What is time though? This is the Twelfth House House where minutes turn into days, years into minutes. When Saturn, the planet that gives authority and structure to the days of our lives, and self-governance to our ego, the planet who normally greases the wheels of our day-to-day with a relative level of predictability, transits this watery house of disillusionment, ghosts & retreat, time melts and the rules of the game change. We wrestle with illusion that we are in control (and lose). We make plans and have them dissolve, or never come together. It is, after all, not called the house of beginnings, but the house of loss. We lose steam. We lose momentum. We lose touch with the pleasures that once brought us joy — or did they? Venus is exalted in Pisces, the natural ruler of the 12th House. When sober Saturn takes up residence in the Twelfth House, empty or overly ritualized pleasures cease to please. [Read more…]