The C(heart) of Relationship

by | Jan 6, 2008 | Ask MoonKissd - Advice Column | 11 comments

Dear Moonkissd,

I love reading your blog! I have a question about first meeting charts, what they can tell about a relationship. I recently met a man about 6 months ago, and from the moment I met him I felt that we had an intense connection. We met on May 30th at 9:30 p.m at the Empire State Building, Manhattan NY. I was born in New York, New York on November 2, 1964 at 3:18 a.m and he was born in Atlanta, GA October 9, 1970 at 6:00 a.m.

Dear Venus Ascending,

Deborah Kerr in an Affair to Remember said when asked if lovers should meet at the Empire State Building, “Why yes, it’s the closest thing to Heaven we have in New York City.” Now will everyone please sigh a collective awwwh for this fantastic fairytale meeting (and so appropriate for a romantic Venus in Libra ascendant)? Venus Ascending, you are the embodiment of pure elegance and loveliness, perpetually wavering between being in love, and wistfully yearning for love. And no one other than you deserves to be swept off her feet by a grand love story!

I must say your fortuitous meeting already plays out by overlaying your natal charts on top of each other (hubba hubba) for a synastry reading, where I find fantastic connections. His lucky, world-expanding Jupiter in Scorpio is on your Sun; you share a sizzling Mercury/Venus/Uranus love at first sight aspect; your feminine Moon in Libra joins his masculine Sun, a beautiful blending of conscious solar and lunar nurturing qualities. The list goes on. I enjoy your charts together already, but when I look at your first meeting chart, the picture deepens.

The first meeting chart of a couple is called the composite chart, and is essentially the two charts combined, and the place of your first meeting is your “new” birth place. I only consider the composite only after a couple has decided to pursue a relationship together because while every relationship, brief or long, has a composite chart, many “shared” charts don’t get off the ground for obvious reasons, described in the chart synastry. The synastry chart, comparing two charts side by side, always tells us if the relationship is strong enough to progress to the next level – the composite.

I think of this chart as the new baby of your relationship – and we’ve got to get to know our new bundle of joy. Like a brand spanking new little personality in your life, it will cry when its needs aren’t being met (until we learn to talk to each other) and it’s a little clumsy at first, often trying to walk before it’s learned how to crawl. When you think about it for a second this is a logical assumption: can anyone deny that once a relationship has begun, feeling that a third presence has been created between you?

This third presence could be likened to the presence of spirit (and my teacher Steven Forrest calls the third, a ghostly presence or entity). Through combining your essences, you “birth” a whole different set of motives, needs, gifts and challenges. The interesting thing is, the composite chart can resemble one or both of its “parents” in varying degrees, and sometimes it pops out as radically different from both!
By understanding the composite chart, we better understand this little alien creature given to us without an instruction manual. We can get to know its purpose (Sun), it’s nurture needs, instinctive habits and what it likes for dinner (Moon), what makes it happy and peaceful (Venus), it’s fighting and self-assertion style (Mars) and it’s personality and appearance (Ascendant) just for starts.

This chart also contains the spark of intimacy – it can tell us how to renew the passion and vitality in our committed relationships. For example, my husband and I have a 9th house composite Sun in Leo with a 6th house Mars/Moon conjunction in Taurus, square by sign. As a team, we spend a majority of our day-to-day time and energy cooking healthful meals (all our meals are home made), the nuts and bolts of housekeeping, and sometimes working too much. Labors of love, yes, but even labors of love are exhausting. If we don’t spend time in the 9th house Leo Sun, travel and socializing, hanging out in foreign countries and exploring our spirituality together – we risk throwing our motivation and life force, (the Sun) out of whack. By hanging out in our Moon/Mars in Taurus, under the dogged determination of managing busy lives, we override our need for playful exploration and personal growth – and Leo’s prerogative FUN!

Back to your question – since you asked such a great one, here’s a very simple reading for you: The basic life force of your relationship is represented by your composite Libra Sun. Your mutual motivation and striving is toward all things Libran – ah, love, harmony, peace, relationship. You may fit together like peas in a pod, each complementing the other either being similar types or opposites that balance. Together, you gravitate toward calm, beautiful, serene environments – and like the Sun, Libra describes how you “charge up” and feel most alive. I imagine you two appreciate the romance of ambiance (lighting, music, flowers), courtship rituals and spending time around other couples – who see you as perfectly matched. You’re also turned off by coarseness, especially sharp, insensitive words, unkindnesses or “did you see how rude that person was?” which if aimed toward each other, which has the psychological effect of nails run across the chalkboard of your relationship. You thrive on a mutual commitment to balance, civility and judicious, gracious consideration of others’ opinions and realities – including each others. Of course you two also need to avoid compromising what you want for what you think the other wants, turning your exciting relationship into dullsville.

With your Sun in the 2nd house, there’s a challenge to trust in your relationship enough to give it a go, to let it ripen and see what it can do. One or both of you can dilly-dally in insecurity, perhaps never thinking you’re “ready enough”. “Will this really work out?” “What if it doesn’t work? Maybe I should keep so and so’s phone number around just in case…” The risk is not trusting in your mutual ability to give your relationship the experience it needs to prove that it really will work! If your relationship has potential, why not find out? Commit to a future trip together: make a plan for six months from now to test the waters. You’ll find out what this relationship is made of, and you’ll know if it’s meant to last.

If you want to know more about the c(heart) of your relationship, just contact me for a private session!



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  1. kishner

    The composite Sun for my wife and myself is Capricorn in the 6th. I recognize that being disciplined in daily rituals (especially regarding housecleaning) is a BIG issue in our relationship, yet I constantly resist it. How does one deal with the challenge of “growing into” one’s relationship chart, in your opinion?

  2. Jessica

    Thanks for bringing life to my blog, Jeffry! I think the big key to growing into anything is to pulse with it, perhaps an appropriate response, and especially for Capricorn Sun, also connected to rythym. My advice would be spend some quality time with each part of the chart, and when one area gets too intense, go to other parts of the chart for relief. Kind of like what we do balance our entire natal chart (when we remember to!). Once we learn our tender spots in the composite, (ie relationship) ideally might it help to bridge that with understanding recognizing, that certain areas are tender, extra compassion is appropriate?

    Following Steven Forrest’s line of thinking that a composite can favor one half of the couple, I’d examine how you or your wife’s (in this case, your wife’s) chart might “take sides” with the composite, potentially making one of you the unwitting serf, and the other the landlord of the chart . When one individual’s chart has more affinity for the composite than the other’s, the landlord (say your wife with a 6th house Sun) would be wise to be a little more patient with the serf, so as not incite a rebellious uprising from him!

  3. kishner

    Very good point. She is definitely the “landlord” when it comes to housekeeping and organization. I just go along for the ride, albeit sometimes I need to be dragged from my Piscean dreaminess to do so.

  4. emahon

    Hi Jessica,

    I actually gave you the wrong date! We met for the first time on May 31, 2007 at 9:30 and not at the Empire State Building. I was making a joke about New York being the Empire State! I think that was looking for more about what was going on in the first meeting chart, than in the actual composite of our relationship. For example, I know that Venus and Mercury were in Cancer in the 7th House the night we met, and the Sun was opposite the Moon. Both Moon and Jupiter were in the 12th House when we met, and the Sun was trining the Midheaven as well as Chiron. We just missed the Void of Course Moon which was Trining Mars and Saturn and conjuncting Jupiter. Also Venus Trined Uranus when we met.

    Venus Ascending

  5. emahon

    Oh and it was a Blue Full Moon in Sagittarius when we met. What exactly is a Blue Moon and what does it mean?

    Venus Ascending

  6. Jessica

    Hi Venus,

    It’s a difference in approach. When I look at the chart of a couple, I consider first meeting charts as the composite chart of the relationship – and as you know, there are so many ways to look at charts! You were looking at the transits, which is a fabulous study too. It sounds like a very sweet chart.

    For the composite method elucidated here, the date wouldn’t matter, only the meeting place, which I read as Manhattan. So it’s still relevant, should you continue the relationship.

    Sorry I didn’t answer your question in the way you anticipated, but maybe I answered someone else’s in the process!

  7. emahon

    Thanks, Jessica. As soon as I have some money, I’ll contact you for a private session because I would love to know more!

  8. Jessica

    A Blue Moon describes 2 Full Moons in the course of a month, a rare event, but not an unusual one. We have a Blue Moon once every 2 or 3 years (approx 2.75 years) because the lunar cycle, 12 Full Moons a year, doesn’t quite match our calendar year. So extra days accummulate and that’s why we have Blue Moon years.

    Symbolically because of their relative rarity, in music and art, Blue Moons have described rare and special events.

  9. emahon

    Thanks Jessica. And for your comments about second house in the composite. He’s the one running scared, and I’m the one ready to take the leap.

  10. Jessica

    Wow, you two have such great chemistry so I hope you get to explore it.

    I wonder if there’s a way for you to suggest a planned commitment to see something through (allowing the relationship to show it’s colors) that would appeal to him. Like a weekend adventure together with other couples (that Libra energy). With your composite Libran Sun (and his LIbran Sun) being seen as a couple together – and in the company of other people – gives him the feeling that he’s showing you off, like a precious diamond among a Libran setting of socializing and friends.

  11. emahon

    We’ve been blowing hot and cold for awhile. He’s very sweet and affectionate with me. Lots of kissing, hugging, hand-holding, snuggling etc. But he’s got that Libran wishy-washy thing going on.

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