2004-05. It was a Saturn-Venus transit, Saturn conjunct my natal Cancer Venus and Vesta conjunction, when I began practicing my most potent and life-changing law of attraction work. I knew I wanted to attract the love of my life, and that I was R-E-A-D-Y. But I also knew that wishful thinking, separated from personal accountability and working on the core issues that were keeping me in spin out cycles of attracting, and falling for, the wrong guy, added up to exactly that: wishful thinking. After one final spin-out, I decided I needed to show the Gods that I wasn’t a wimp, and that I was up to the task of learning about my blind spots and blocks and so knowing Saturn rewards hard work and perseverance, I took action, putting intention into concrete acts like: rituals, spell casting, prayerful walks, reciting mantras, writing letters to cupid, making peace with my loneliness, working out my father issues. That period was marked by the practical application of Saturn’s tools, steady self-discipline, diligence, alone-time, accountability, taking responsibility for my entire experience. I was willing and also able to do the work because Saturn, unlike other Gods, is a fair one in that he gives you the formula, which essentially is to make friends with your own solitude and work hard. I knew I wasn’t growing small potatoes either; with my actions I was seeding the next 28 year Venus cycle. Appropriately, a friend named the house I lived in during that time, a one room studio in law tucked away on the edge of a canyon, “The Hermitage”.

2011-12. A Saturn-Venus square this time. Fast-forward thru 7 years of togetherness, 6 of those in marriage.  Now I’m claiming my need for space, solitude and I am not happy. I am not happy doing the brunt of the domestic chores; I am not happy in my role as co-parent and domestic partner. I need far more solitude, as I am also feeling crowded out as an introvert in a house of extroverts, always tired, never seeming able to find the space to restore my energy. This is also happening while the Uranus-Pluto square clobbers half my chart. I finally get a clear vision of what needs to happen. We need to re-negotiate everything from our expectations of one another (if you say you will be home at a certain time, and you’re not, I will not cook dinner) to the physical living space of our home life, which had, for all these years, been set up so clearly for the kids (when we drew up a blueprint for said space re-negotiation, to my horror, I saw the  kids’ footprint was 75{edc87575597f4f3ad5e35fd7f36c45c2e827b7d30afc5bd9b12c8599e57b4ed7} to our 25{edc87575597f4f3ad5e35fd7f36c45c2e827b7d30afc5bd9b12c8599e57b4ed7}). I hire a Feng Shui space consultant who says my office,  a sun room that dangles off the corner of our house and the space I’ve spent every day in for 7 years, is a space that is energetically suited for leaving the nest. No wonder I’d fantasized about building a yurt on our property which I will live in; no wonder I long for my old hermitage, a Saturn-Venus “room of my own”. I need a new office. Also, I am afraid if we don’t take concrete steps to change our relationship dynamic, I will leave the relationship altogether. A Saturn transit has a final straw quality to it, and when that happens, so to dawns realism and clarity. A First Quarter Saturn-Venus square demands action, and not unlike the conjunction, it’s the practical application of tools, persistent steps taken, boundaries drawn and personal accountability that is pulling me/”Us” through. Mutual and self- respect is all important. Tuning into the self-respect I feel when I successfully express and honor my feelings and desires, not so much so that he will change, but for the integrity I experience when I honor myself, has been key.

Today as I write this, Saturn turns direct exactly square my Venus. I’m at the tail end of this Saturn-Venus square, and I’ve got more grey hairs, but also more wisdom. It feels good to finally be at the point of positive change, instead of slogging it out in the eternal trenches of  re-structuring. Slowly, in a steady drip, life’s sweetness is returning, love’s sweetness. I love my husband and soul mate to pieces, but during Saturn-Venus I had entered a time when love had nothing to do with it.

image source: Apres Ski