“..light’s blinding no way dividing what’s yours or mine when everything’s shining/Your darkness is shining, my darkness is shining, have faith in our selves…” Truth by Alexander

Want to do that life-changing thing you’ve been putting off for so long? Are you ready for transformation– and deathly afraid of it? Want a deeper relationship to your self, your body, the people you love -to life itself? They say to truly live, we’ve got to be willing to die; to claim our power we must look at what we reject, fear, call “bad” or “wrong” in our self. To befriend our wholeness in totality, we need to bring the darkness in our Self, to light. Welcome Saturn’s entry into Scorpio (10/5/12 -9/17/15, with 12/23/14-6/16/15 in Sagittarius).

The Irresistible Pull Of Transformation

Change and transformation – how to do it, what’s keeping us from achieving the transformation we soul desire, holds a special magnetism while Saturn transits Scorpio. Like reaching the promised final layer of an onion, many of us will want to address that thing holding us back from full-on transformation. Once we sing that battle cry for change, we will also likely instantly run into our own defenses and resistance to letting go into change.  As one women said to me recently, “I want to change – but on my own terms!” Of course Life will not oblige that request. We cannot give Life a list of our conditions and terms for our change and transformation any more than we can ask for a money back guarantee on a potentially rewarding/risky investment. During Saturn’s transit through Scorpio we may feel afraid to change, of death, loss, yet the pull of transformation is irresistible and related to our maturity. We need to clearly see death, change, loss, psychological awareness as apart of a leading a whole life. No more deceiving our self, or others -God of Karma, Saturn, won’t let us get away with it.  If Saturn in Libra left us with a legacy, it’s this: the full truth is far more satisfying than half-truths.

Forbidden Loves & Shadow Hungers

Forbidden love, obsession, cravings and hungers… things that go bump in the night.  Saturn in Scorpio, calling! Whether it’s the refrigerator calling us out from sleep, or the dark, gorgeous stranger lurking in the peripheral vision of our lives, there’s no denying the presence of shadowy figures. I counseled a young woman with Saturn in Scorpio who had developed a crush on someone outside of her marriage. The more she fixated on the object of her desire (and not the nature, flavor and texture of the desire itself), the less stable she felt –and the more she began to pull away from her marriage, and since she was devoted to her husband, this was a problem. As she began to withdraw from this Persephone-Pluto fantasy and instead investigate the source of her feelings, she discovered deeper truths in her self: mainly she needed to give value to her yearning to explore the dark, hungry side of her sexuality. Could the passion she wanted to feel be expressed through the intimate partnership with her husband? Exploring the dark side of her feminine sexuality, including the taboo, she experienced new sexual power.

For some, forbidden loves and sexual affairs will tempt, but as Saturn passes through Scorpio, for those who have been quick to sexually act, sexual restraint is appropriate – or else we invite the negative consequences of Saturn. Celibacy is a distinctly Saturn in Scorpio experience. Sexuality needs boundaries. These folks may be called to *not* act out our sexual drives and instead to mature our relationship to sexuality through the container of committed intimacy. Saturn implies hard work and denies fulfilment till the work is finished: while Saturn is in Scorpio, working on sexual relationship, with one’s own sexuality, is a vehicle for maturity and greater satisfaction.

Should I Be Whole Or Good?, Befriending Our Demons

I used to think people who spoke up for what they wanted were bossy control freaks. Those people who had their not so secret agenda and always made sure they got what they wanted first. Man, what a b****, right? Then I realized how great it would be to have that kind of power. I saw how the whole world revolved around them, and how in my own life, I was spending far too much time revolving around others. I wasn’t getting my own needs and desires met. I wanted to be calling the shots in my own life. To do that I’d have to be a bossy, controlling b****.

What we think is bad, in others or in our self, it truly never is. Punishing our self for our bad behaviour is not only punitive but short-sighted because when we really look at the motivation behind why we’re doing something, we can always find a positive one– something positive we’re trying to get from doing what it is we do.

One of the most difficult things to do in life is befriend our own darkness, misery, pain and suffering. We may know: I have a self-destructive or rebellious streak -or- I can see how right when I commit to being healthy by signing up at a gym, I go on an alcoholic junk food bender -or- I feel like a victim when (your words here). Knowing this about our self doesn’t change anything. It takes courage and self-compassion to be present during those painful moments as true transformation happens in the choices we make during our darkest hours.

Saturn in Scorpio can be hard, there’s no doubt about it. It can bring up demons, shadows and ghouls. Treat your Shadow, Saboteur, Demon as you might treat a friend, a powerful friend who you don’t totally understand –yet. I like what Marjory Mejia says about feeding your demons with kindness, here. I have a similar process in my book, A Love Alchemist’s Notebook. Invite your demons to tea by asking what, underneath all the weird behaviour, this thing most wants. Behind all the rage, the fears, helplessness, rebelliousness, depression – are positive motivations like: I want comfort. I want depth, care & nourishment. I want love. I’m only loving, only trying to only love… It was Carl Jung who said, “I’d rather be whole than good.” Enough said.

Our Deepest Fear

Is our deepest human fear public speaking? Some say so. Others say it’s death. I’ve noticed the Saturn in Scorpio buzz is particularly full of fear and foreboding this year. Saturn is the God of fear, of pan-ic (The God Pan, aka, Saturn). But Pluto, Scorpio’s ruler, is the God of Hidden Riches.  If we are psychological people who have a love for metaphysical truth, who have a healthy respect for the balance of dark and light in life (I would count astrologers as these people), it seems we would err on the side of wisdom and think Saturn could open our eyes in new ways.

Where Saturn transits your chart speaks to how you will experience this transit personally, but it will be flavoured by Scorpio. In Scorpio’s realm, Saturn’s riches are profound and substantial and involve an amount of fear, resistance and letting go. Fear, resistance is a call to investigate where and why we feel emotionally de-stabilized. If we are addicted,  obsessed, or reaching for sweets late at night maybe we are really hungry for: more, deeper, richer… In truth, what causes us to feel “out of control” may actually be a call to go within, to go deeper into our self, explore the hidden riches behind our craving, problem or desire—a process that includes looking at and then beyond our attachments. This involves deepening our intimacy with our Self, and often, with the people we love.

 What are you most afraid of?  Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? – Marianne Williamson