There are times in life when impossible relationships appear. They aren’t available, you aren’t available, there’s a difference in age, or geography so vast that coming together is not only crazy but exceedingly impractical. Some may say that’s the definition of true love. It may be one. However, the difference between a possible or impossible relationship is that sooner or later the relationship itself, through its potential for drama, heartache and impracticality, reveals that it is not designed to exist in this time-space continuum.
Love can be confusing, crazy and everything in between. Especially if we feel: comfortable, familiar, and romantically attracted to each other. And often a part of us knows we have “been together before”. I don’t think it’s a cruel twist of fate that we have contracts to meet again with people whom we feel connected to in a mysterious way, or even love, but cannot be with today. It is apart of being a spiritual being in a human body. There’s a practical aspect to this: if you believe you’ve had more than one life, you’ve probably also had more than one mate in your perhaps hundreds of lifetimes. Obviously you cannot mate with everyone you have ever mated to in all of your lives. But what happens when we run into them in the grocery store or on Facebook? Well, it gets messy, complicated and confusing.
In astrology there’s one planet that describes this timeless tangential aspect of love– Neptune. When Neptune makes connections by transit to Venus or the relationship houses (by transit to, or transit the rulers of the Seventh, Eighth, Fifth and sometimes Fourth), Neptune can bring about these types of experiences: you meet someone, gaze into their eyes and felt that “I’ve known you forever” connection. But Neptune is not Saturn, which is to say Neptune doesn’t really care if this person fits into your life plan, if the relationship pans out in reality – or if it lasts at all. All that matters is that you’re touching souls with another soul, in this moment, and to be present to this timeless awakening that this person has inspired in you. Neptune teaches us the spiritual aspect of love– which has nothing to do with time, age, the availability of either partner or whether you can actualize the relationship in real life. Neptune says: the physical doesn’t matter, the spiritual does.
With Neptune, as with every planet, we have an element of choice. We cannot choose whether or not to have this experience but we can choose what to do with it. That’s the joy of knowing a little astrology. If we see Neptune coming ’round, we can treasure the relationship for what it is – ephemeral, heart-opening. We can orient toward spiritual awakening. Through the new awareness this person brings up we may realize our priorities in the world, and our understanding about our own life, has been incomplete. Maybe we explore the idea of past lives, of being a timeless soul in a body, for the first time. Maybe this soul mate person functions as an “angel” who brings wisdom, understanding, reminds us who we truly are and gives us pieces of our soul back – all common features of a positive Neptunian relationship. Spiritual awakening can happen in other forms, too, of course: through near death experiences (NDE’s) for instance, in which death awakens awareness of other dimensions of life that have nothing to do with this body, careers, money, getting ahead …and this initiates a spiritual journey. When Neptune is transiting your Venus or relationship points/houses, love is the invitation to a spiritual awakening, journey. You needed a reminder that: you are more than this body, and you needed to discover this through love. But Neptune is not Saturn, planet of earthly form and vows. Neptune dissolves.
What Neptune dissolves, along with heart barriers to loving others, is our mind. Maybe our linear logician may have needed dissolving. However, as the official planet of crazy-making, Neptune can wreck marriages and lives. When you try to attach your self to a relationship that is by its very nature ephemeral and formless, oh, the drama! I’ve seen clients (almost) leave their happy marriages while under Neptune’s mesmerizing influence. As an astrologer, it’s not my role to tell them what to do, but point out they are indeed under the influence – of Neptune. Balancing those crazy drug induced highs with reflective solitude is essential.
To escape the rocky relationship-wrecked shores of Neptune do not try to turn it/them into something it/they cannot be. In this, it’s important to find a way to be at peace with what the relationship is — to explore its meaning between your ears and your heart. It is your journey. Neptune always reminds us that life and love is neither good nor bad, but an experience. Choose to experience your impossible relationship as what it is: beautiful, awakening, soul-invigorating, timeless –and as delicately perishable as a flower. Hold on too tightly and you will crush it (and chances are it will make you crazy).
As with all transits, this too shall pass. The heart-wrenching soul longing to be consumed by another, the thirst for an impossible mating, eventually mellows into a deeper understanding of love, life, one’s self. Eventually you will recognize a spiritual awakening has occurred and sometimes trying to put this new awareness into words can be as impossible as trying to describe exactly why this person had such an irresistible, hypnotic hold over you. But eventually, even memory fades and all that remains is the essence.
I have Neptune conjunct my descendant in the 7th, opposing Venus in my first. I feel this is an integral part of my journey in this lifetime.
Wonderfully written. Thank you!
My neptune in scorpio once touched souls with a scorpio sun at the same degree (27 degrees), it was a heart wrenching experience, a never-to-be that I painfully accepted. It still haunts me today. I sometimes even see this person – more than once when venus was transiting trine this scorpio 27 degree! Neptune, love him, hate him…..
Dear Jessica:
I had to read this and soak it in all again. With the pain and suffering associated to the rise of Pisces and this Neptune still looming over me (you know all the details my dear)…I have to say that the last couple of days have been an emotional for me. Nothing bad except for that thing called “reality”. It was nice to read this again since the recording did not work out. Hope all is well.
So poignantly written Jessica and SO true.
crikey are you talking to me directly?..! Very poignant. I have recently split with my impossible fantasy and i can see why we had problems in the 1st place: a mutable grand cross in synastry involving both our venus’, my moon and his neptune and on my ac/dc. Transiting neptune is moving towards my moon/ ac setting off this grand cross. It has been really difficult not drowning in siren song this past month with everything transitting through gemini over my venus, triggering it off (and opposing my natal neptune). Your final paragraph gives me hope i can get thru this; thankyou!
Wow. Thank you for this perspective. It is immensely comforting. Read my story of Neptune transiting my 7th house on my personal (mostly private) blog. My DC is at 26° Aquarius so Neptune will be in the 7th for a looooong, long time 🙁 I will also have Neptune squaring my Mars in Sagittarius in the 4th house to 2015! Yikes! This will take some serious meditation, contemplation and above all, patience, to get through.
I’ve had Neptune transiting 7th house for most of this year and what you wrote describes my situation perfectly, like reading a book about my personal year so far. I developed an online crush way back in February on a guy 3,000 miles away. It was mutual yet ambiguous (apart from a few confessions on both sides, nothing was ever certain or committed) and every message, text, call was dreamy; romantic; misty, angelic, darkly enchanting, addicting, an illusion – just like Neptune is supposed to be. The crush recently came to an end (on his part) very suddenly (we both have Uranus transiting our 8th houses and he has an Aquarius in his natal 7th house). I feel like I was shown a glimpse of what true love could be like – lost in our own magical world together and now its been snatched away.
Jessica! I just discovered that I have a Neptune transit in my seventh house! o.O And this was so beautifully written especially the end! Almost started crying. Strange…
Wow… I have a 12th house sun and I attract these kind of relationships.. I can relate whole -heartedly
I been studying Venus in the 12th house because my Love life mirrors it, or I attract these type of people. Sometimes love feels impossible in my life or I am too idealistic. Im always yearning for The magical and a friend or partner that will fulfill me and take me high. Love to me most of the time is slightly out of reach. I am very imaginative when it comes to love. My fantasy world is definitely rich and colorful.
My 2 most satisfying relationships one had a venus in 12th, the other had a venus Conjunction Neptune. I am doing a lot more creative visualizations, and meeting people. Maybe I will find that treasure soon
Thank you Jessica! I cried when i read your article. This is so accurate, i’ve read some articles so far but yours is really inspiring and touching. It gives me a lot of insights about what im going through now, with transit Neptune square my Venus.
I’m going through theses ahh! Your article perfect to describe theses transit as it is
I loved when Neptune transited my 7th house, I was in cloud nine for a while, amazing!
i’m going through this right now. We are neighbours, both married, and both have kids. Impossible, but something i have experienced never before. I had her natal chart and she as well as I, have an ongoing neptune trine venus transit. Her’s sun and venus are aspecting my south node and venus by an orb of 0.5 degrees. These are also in conjunction of my sun-moon midpoint.
Hi Jessica
thank you for this beautiful explanation. I have neptune and venus together in my 7th house in my natal chart and what you have described is spot on.. as to what I have been feeling ever since I have been born.
That indescribable longing and that deep love for someone whom one hasn’t met in the physical realms is so unexplainable but I think that’s the best part of me.. I can love beyond time space and realms of physicality. That ache in the heart is a constant reminder of the deep love I feel which is beyond logical thinking.
I have just become interested in Astrology again. I am 60 years old and have fallen in love with a 22 year old Chinese student I was tutoring. Well Venus square Neptune from March to September this year (2015). Its driving me mad. I know its ridiculous, but I cant help it. I want her so much and yet I know its impossible. I wish it was over. I love her. I cant stop thinking about her. I met her at the beginning of May. Help.
Hi!
Thank you and congratulations for a very insightful and almost poetic description of Neptune-Venus transits.
I had one such experience 2 years ago and even today the transiting Neptune trine natal Venus conjunct my ascendant isn’t exact. It will be next year and I can hardly wait.
I’m wondering if such transits can leave lasting changes. What do you think? Will I stay more sensible after the transit than I was before? If I get interested into arts and start producing something, will this stay with me afterwards? I am deciding on my course of action for the years to come …
No matter what, I am looking forward to the exactness of this transit. I know my Venus needs it (it is almost exactly square natal Mars). And so do I.
Hi D.A., In my experience many transits do last far longer than their duration, leaving us irrevocably changed. Look back to the major transits of your life and you will see how often this bears out. Best wishes, Jessica
I’m currently residing in a Neptune conjunct Venus transit through my seventh house. You’ve pretty much, just about, summed up this aspect of my life at the moment. Fortunately, I’m able to handle this realistically, but am still awash in the emotions of it all. This, too, shall pass. Thank you for this beautiful article.
I’m looking ahead and preparing now.. 2018 I think it starts. Neptune opposition venus and ascendent. I’m actually going through some of these feelings of longing for love now. This venus/asc is getting peppered with aspects. First an opposition with chiron, then a trine with pluto, next will be this neptune transit. During Neptune’s touch, saturn and jupiter make trine aspects to venus/asc as well. Lastly.. A progressed mars will trine venus/asc for the duration of this event. Jupiter then makes an opposition transit culminating in the grand finale when saturn opposes venus/asc in 2025. Yay.. Then.. It’s only a matter of surviving the transit of neptune/saturn opposition natal pluto. But that’s in 2026. Plenty of time to prepare…
Ishani: My ex has a Venus-Neptune conjunction, plus a Pisces descendant, and he’s an enabler and blind to the flaws of others. Beware of the idea of the “perfect” relationship, or falling in love with love. You’ll establish a pattern of longing that will be an end unto itself.
I have Neptune passing through house 10 right now, and it has brought numerous effects: several career changes, disillusionment and hope with regard to career paths, even some fame in the public sector. I feel inspired to pursue a career that involves helping others. My point is, the effects of a Neptune transit to a particular house are myriad and constantly ebbing and flowing like the tides. Sometimes its energy is sleeping serenely in the background of our lives, only to emerge in a slow, gentle, but profound way.
Often astrologers tend to focus on the unavailable/unattainable type of relationships with this transit when it hits a romantic house (5 or 7). There will be issues regarding defining boundaries, yes, particularly with house 7, but these unavailable affairs are not the only manifestation of this transit. Remember that this transit lasts 10+ years, so that’s telling natives with Pisces 5 or 7 to give up on relationships until the transit is over, because everything will be a beautiful dream never meant to come true, which is ridiculous. Someone on an astrology message board was correct about this: Neptune gets too much bad press, because our society worships what we define as “reality.” Saturn and his “lessons” get better astrological coverage than Neptune. A change in perspective is in order.
But I digress. Not everything is an illusion or a dream never meant to be achieved with Neptune. It has the power to instill hope as well as disillusionment, and without hope we have no motivation. Action from other planets will determine whether or not any Neptunian promises will come to fruition. So too will a long, careful look at the reality of any situation. We can choose to shut off our emotions and walk away from the unattainable. Alternatively, some of us may not be attracted to such situations to start with, and will see a Neptune 7 transit as being annoying rather than painful, due to the amount of “losers” one might have to sweep away.
Also, when Neptune squared my natal Venus years ago – along with a square from Saturn and a sextile from Uranus/Chiron – I met my first boyfriend. He was much older, but the relationship was in no way unrealistic or unattainable and he was not unavailable.
Hi Ishani, Thanks for reading! I agree, Neptune is much more and I appreciate your wisdom and experience. Just to clarify: Many of my blog(s) reflect a particular angle I am taking, as the title “the impossible relationship” suggests, and is by no means the exhaustive reference standard for all Neptune relationship transits. If readers want to know more I suggest Liz Greene’s book The Astrological Neptune as well as Steven Forrest’s Book of Neptune. Again, thanks for your share- I’m sure it will help others. xx Jessica
Dear Neptunian:
I really appreciate your post and think you are right on spot with many of your Neptune observations. But I deeply disagree with this part of your text: “We can choose to shut off our emotions and walk away from the unattainable.”
In my opinion these are not the words of a real Neptunian. And I think I can say this since I’ve got my natal Neptune in the 1st house, Neptune-Venus square and the Sun in pisces.
One of the most significant Neptune traits is that it works like a strong glue – for enthusiasm, inspiration, faith and other goodies – but as well for strong longing and desperate unattainable wishes doomed to fail from the start. Glue means you really can’t get rid of all of these 😉
i am 50 years old. In my natal chart, I have Saturn in the 7th directly square my Venus/Mars EXACT conjunction in the 4th. Hell? COMPLETELY. Additionally I have a Uranus/Pluto exact conjunction in my 1st house that widely squares my Venus/Mars conjunction in the 4th and opposes my Saturn in the 7th.
Enter Neptune!! In November of 2015, I had Saturn conjunct my Venus/Mars conjunction and Neptune conjunct my Saturn – all of them squaring each other I have been talking to a man that I knew as an acquaintance in High School. And all we do is talk and discuss getting together but NEVER EVER DO. We’ve been to lunch, each other’s homes for various reasons, etc and have struck up a nice friendship. Saturn has recently moved on but NOT Neptune. I was for the first 7.5 mths very interested in a love relationship with this man and he felt the same. For the last 1.5 mths, I am not so sure and have all but moved past it.
But because Neptune is still lingering conjunct my Saturn and squaring my Venus/Mars I wonder if I am making the right decision because I might be confused or Neptune is dissolving feelings that should not be. I dunno. He texted me yesterday and I have been mulling it around again but still say No.
I was aware the transit was coming up and I prepared myself to remain SINGLE during the entire time. Neptune made me want more but I didn’t necessarily act on it. I wondered if Neptune would sooth my rigid Saturn that has kept my Venus/Mars so HARD AND COLD all of these years in order to provide me with a relationship that was warm and real and now I am just confused LOL UGH!
I doubt I could change the way I feel even if someone told me I should quit worrying and jump in but I would like to for once in my life have the carelessness to give in and give it go. To have Neptune dissolve my resistance and good or bad, love unconditionally. In this life, I don’t think its meant to be.
I am going through this right now and also for the third year in a row!
Venus opposing Neptune. This current transit is lasting until early last year and the same one is coming next fall, once again. Every single time I have had a serious, yet impossible crush and connection with someone and it has lasted many months. How crazy is that? I was hoping that this time it would be different, but it seems like that it’s just a special connection which is impossible. Always teaches me something, but it can be very painful.
Thank you so much Jessica for your beautiful article. It really helps me a lot :
I’m living ths right now! Neptune is transiting by opposition to my natal Venus, and in her chart neptune is just entering the 7th house. Juste like your title ! And the synastrie : my Venus on her Asc, 2 moons conjonct almost exat, her sun almost in my IC (29°57′ on the 3h Cusp)… Are few aspects of our non-relationship !
I kust went through this in April, it was total and utter bliss! Fell madly in love witha guy younger then me, while i was having trouble in my own marriage! He too was in a relationship, for the 2 months we were together, ever message every meeting was out of this world. Just magical, and am not the romantic type, am actually very aloof, and cold, but this completely changed my perspective in love and my personal emotions. But, that very last paragraph pretty much summed it up, i couldn’t find the most perfect description myself. This person literally disappeared from my life the very first time we ever told each other we loved each other for the 1st time. The days following the last time we spoke, i couldn’t get a hold of myself, it was pain i have never experienced, mind you, i have been married 10 years, and yet, pain like thos i have never ever experienced. I couldn’t stop crying, yet i couldn’t show emotions because my husband would begin to question what the hell was happening to me. As the transit has began to fade, so has its hypnotic effect, and my pain. The pain has also turned to something more of a reminder that not only am still alive, but that i know our souls met again after some time, now am more thankful that i experienced something so magical and intense, and i can go back to reality, where things are all rosy, but also bring me happiness in a way. I guess until you experience this transit yourself, you cant really understand it. As the article states it, you will survive, and while it last, oh do enjoy, most likely its an impossible love, that fast forward you will understand that it cant be permanent and it could only have existed in that moment.
Yes ! I want to join this club of The impossible relationship, too. I tried to find the explanation for this kind of connection, and then I found ‘astrology’ 🙂 Thanks Jessica for the beautiful words.
Me: Neptune transits 5.house, conjuncts my natal Pisces moon & trine natal Cancer venus 🙂
Exactly what I feel. Thanks for putting it into words.
Neptune has been in my 7th house since the day my first child was born. 8 years later, his father and I were abruptly and involuntarily separated after 11 years of marriage, and we later divorced after 14 years of marriage. We had 3 children together. He taught me about the giving and receiving of love. He loved me unconditionally, always. He still does. He has been in my dreams often over the last few months, but my dreams are beginning to show me that our connection needs to go, that it is hurting me. We had a good talk yesterday about it all, and I urged him to try to let me go. My soul won’t be settled unless I know he is okay. That he has let go. Then I can move on with my life.
Neptune leaves my 7th house 2 days from now. Coincidence? 😉
From another perspective my husband had this transit Neptune conjunction Venus currently and I have found out he’s been seeing someone and I can tell you it’s the most heart wrenching awful experience feels like someone close to me died . So to all of you out there having affairs try think about the affect your dreamy romantic feelings can have in the ones you are betraying
Thank you for so eloquently putting into words how it feels. I’ve tried to describe what I felt when I first met her and looked into her eyes, what the last 2 years has been like (transit neptune in 5th house opposite natal venus), what I was feeling and experiencing and could never do it justice…my words never adequately described the profoundness of the connection. So thank you, your words sooth my soul. I have another 2 years-ish of this transit; integrating the soul-love lessons I’ve learned.