There are times in life when impossible relationships appear. They aren’t available, you aren’t available, there’s a difference in age, or geography so vast that coming together is not only crazy but exceedingly impractical. Some may say that’s the definition of true love. It may be one. However, the difference between a possible or impossible relationship is that sooner or later the relationship itself, through its potential for drama, heartache and impracticality, reveals that it is not designed to exist in this time-space continuum.

Love can be confusing, crazy and everything in between. Especially if we feel: comfortable, familiar, and romantically attracted to each other. And often a part of us knows we have “been together before”. I don’t think it’s a cruel twist of fate that we have contracts to meet again with people whom we feel connected to in a mysterious way, or even love, but cannot be with today. It is apart of being a spiritual being in a human body. There’s a practical aspect to this: if you believe you’ve had more than one life, you’ve probably also had more than one mate in your perhaps hundreds of lifetimes. Obviously you cannot mate with everyone you have ever mated to in all of your lives. But what happens when we run into them in the grocery store or on Facebook? Well, it gets messy, complicated and confusing.

In astrology there’s one planet that describes this timeless tangential aspect of love– Neptune.  When Neptune makes connections by transit to Venus or the relationship houses (by transit to, or transit the rulers of the Seventh, Eighth, Fifth and sometimes Fourth), Neptune can bring about these types of experiences: you meet someone, gaze into their eyes and felt that “I’ve known you forever” connection. But Neptune is not Saturn, which is to say Neptune doesn’t really care if this person fits into your life plan, if the relationship pans out in reality – or if it lasts at all. All that matters is that you’re touching souls with another soul, in this moment, and to be present to this timeless awakening that this person has inspired in you. Neptune teaches us the spiritual aspect of love– which has nothing to do with time, age, the availability of either partner or whether you can actualize the relationship in real life.  Neptune says: the physical doesn’t matter, the spiritual does. 

With Neptune, as with every planet, we have an element of choice. We cannot choose whether or not to have this experience but we can choose what to do with it. That’s the joy of knowing a little astrology. If we see Neptune coming ’round, we can treasure the relationship for what it is – ephemeral, heart-opening. We can orient toward spiritual awakening. Through the new awareness this person brings up we may realize our priorities in the world, and our understanding about our own life, has been incomplete. Maybe we explore the idea of past lives, of being a timeless soul in a body, for the first time. Maybe this soul mate person functions as an “angel” who brings wisdom, understanding, reminds us who we truly are and gives us pieces of our soul back   – all common features of a positive Neptunian relationship. Spiritual awakening can happen in other forms, too, of course: through near death experiences (NDE’s) for instance, in which death awakens awareness of other dimensions of life that have nothing to do with this body, careers, money, getting ahead …and this initiates a spiritual journey. When Neptune is transiting your Venus or relationship points/houses, love is the invitation to a spiritual awakening, journey. You needed a reminder that: you are more than this body, and you needed to discover this through love. But Neptune is not Saturn, planet of earthly form and vows. Neptune dissolves.

What Neptune dissolves, along with heart barriers to loving others, is our mind. Maybe our linear logician may have needed dissolving. However, as the official planet of crazy-making, Neptune can wreck marriages and lives. When you try to attach your self to a relationship that is by its very nature ephemeral and formless, oh, the drama! I’ve seen clients (almost) leave their happy marriages while under Neptune’s mesmerizing influence. As an astrologer, it’s not my role to tell them what to do, but point out they are indeed under the influence – of Neptune. Balancing those crazy drug induced highs with reflective solitude is essential.

To escape the rocky relationship-wrecked shores of Neptune do not try to turn it/them into something it/they cannot be. In this, it’s important to find a way to be at peace with what the relationship is — to explore its meaning between your ears and your heart. It is your journey. Neptune always reminds us that life and love is neither good nor bad, but an experience. Choose to experience your impossible relationship as what it is: beautiful, awakening, soul-invigorating, timeless –and as delicately perishable as a flower. Hold on too tightly and you will crush it (and chances are it will make you crazy). 

As with all transits, this too shall pass. The heart-wrenching soul longing to be consumed by another, the thirst for an impossible mating, eventually mellows into a deeper understanding of love, life, one’s self. Eventually you will recognize a spiritual awakening has occurred and sometimes trying to put this new awareness into words can be as impossible as trying to describe exactly why this person had such an irresistible, hypnotic hold over you. But eventually, even memory fades and all that remains is the essence.