How’s Venus retrograde going for you? Could you use a little inspiration? Here’s a story for you.

For those of us in committed partnership, Venus retrograde can bring up those old, stubborn, hairy issues that drive us to the edge of sanity…and the opportunity to turn them around.  For John and I, well, we have an airport thing. It’s about nine years running. It goes like this: He wants me to take and pick him up from the airport. But over the years of providing said ride, I’ve learned he wants more than a ride. He wants a vision, a dream come true, a romantic fantasy of returning home after his long journey abroad and being greeted by his beautiful, smiling and ever so delighted-to-see him wife. This would ideally commence with a loving kiss and affectionate gestures…to be followed by storytelling and sharing, and preferably, lovemaking. He’s a romantic. I do really love that about him.

How did I learn about the importance of this fantasy (because, to be clear, he did not tell me)? I learned the hard way: I disappointed him. Over the years, I’ve often showed up late or stressed to a crestfallen face, and usually, an argument. Commuting into the city almost always makes me feel sick and stressed (maybe it’s because I’m a Vata type in Ayurveda), but when I’m feeling delicate the worst place to be is a car. But his track record isn’t gold, either. He’s got last minute stops to make, and he’s rarely running on time. Over the years, I’ve accumulated battle scars, late fees for broken appointments and other near misses, and at this last airport ride Venus retrograde brought it all to a head. Clearly, we had reached an impasse. He felt I wasn’t giving him what he desired.  I felt I couldn’t if he didn’t honor me, my time. So there it was. A stalemate. And neither of us was going to budge.

His Venus in Libra squares my Venus in Cancer. Sometimes we don’t agree on music, or social protocols. And sometimes we just don’t agree. So there I was, at the edge of my rope, in the office of my EFT practitioner, who said: He wants you to give him this gift. And he wants it so badly that he’s ignoring your requests (mainly: to plan ahead and be on time). You could not take him at all, she said. Or you could stop putting conditions on this, and give it to him as a gift. What would it take to do that? Harrumph!, I snarked, to make it work for me I’d have to take the day off work. Okay, then, she said. You could do that.

I sat there stunned at the suggestion, fighting my inner feminist’s urge to default into outrage. Imagine I asked you out to dinner, she went on, but I put all these conditions on it: We need to eat before 8, at this type of restaurant. Would it feel like it was about you, or about what I want? Hmmmm. I thought about the litany of accommodations John constantly makes for me, especially when we travel. I thought about the fact that ever since the kids left for college, he really doesn’t ask me for much.  I took this in. Then I tapped on myself, as John, speaking as him, putting myself in his shoes. My goddess, he gave me so much. He wanted this one gift, and I had been refusing. Tears streamed down my face. Compassion flowed.

What she said next spoke to my Libra Rising: I’ve discovered that satisfying our partners desires can lead to a lifetime of them wanting to do wonderful things for you. Doing that simple thing, that really doesn’t take that much to do, can keep the entire relationship happy and humming.

Bingo. Aphrodite mobilised. What happened next, I can only describe as operation: fantasy fulfillment. I found room in myself to play this out. I got turned on by the idea, and in the mood to arrive at the airport as his perfect partner. I started with the 1950’s housewife, poking fun at that idea (I get to have fun, too!) and sharing the idea with a friend, we wandered into a vintage clothing store where serendipitously, in under 10 minutes, I had a retro flight attendant outfit pulled together. My man loves an after work cocktail, a Manhattan specifically, and I knew he’d be looking forward to that so I threw that together, into a cooler into my trunk. Even the glass was perfectly chilled! So to add to my prior list of (25) Things To Do During Venus Retrograde, I offer you #26: Suss out your partner’s secret desire. Then fulfill it by play-acting that fantasy while wearing stylish retro gear (Leo).

Bonuses: I turned around a stuck argument using fun and play, which my Leo loves. I created an inspired story we will both remember -for life. And he shared the pictures on Facebook where he got a bunch of “you’re so lucky!” comments from his friends. Which made me feel good about myself.

Venus is getting ready to rise with the Sun, entering into her feisty Morning Star phase. Our feminine instinct may be outraged or dis-honored on a global and/or personal level. We may be quite ready to take names and kick butt as in her Morning Star phase Venus can be a War Goddess, impetuous and bloodthirsty. We can point our consciousness toward where we’ve been exiled from beauty, love, fairness and honor. It’s also a period for questioning our assumptions and getting curious about any “war stance” we are holding. As any activist (or person in a relationship) knows, loosening our grip on a battle cry, getting curious, trying on new responses and playful approaches is disarming… and often the only path to true peace. After all, I’d been crying “unfair! disrespect!”, only to realise that out I had been fighting his secret desire: he wanted me show him love in a very specific way. Ironic, isn’t it? Venus problems… solved by Venus. In the coming days, when your ire is stirred, consider alchemising your outrage into Venus outrageousness-  unusual, unconventional acts of grace and beauty.

Making love is always more fun than making war.

Here’s the video I made, just for kicks:

photo: Mad Men