While Mercury retrograded through my eighth house, in the silent sign of Taurus, I experienced a few hours of deep panic where I feared I’d lost my writer voice. Writing never is easy, but when I’d go to the page no words came. To an artist friend, I expressed how different this was from writer’s block, and that this journey of inquiry led me through a valuable process, a deep dark knowing that being a writer isn’t really up to me. This re-telling seemed to have struck a nerve. She told me that her feeling was my problem was a belief I held about myself, “of course you’re a writer,” then abruptly ended the discussion.
The truth is, I’ve felt my voice coming from a different place for a long time. It’s not the silky, easy connection I used to have. Writers, and artists, often channel their work and I had a direct line for a long stretch, but something, at about the time of my Neptune square, shifted. Now I have to consciously go there, to invoke the Goddess, and I don’t always get there — there being that magical place of unity and connection to higher wisdom, and all creatures and beings.
Why am I telling you all this? Losing touch with “the magic” is something I’ve noticed during this Saturn-Neptune time. I’ve also seen the opposite- people having enchantment and wonder, revived, after having spent a long period in the dark. This is the other side of the same coin. Things change, sometimes slowly and imperceptibly. This is a keynote of the Saturn-Neptune square. Under this influence change can happen so slowly, we can’t see it; it’s happening that deeply, reflected only by our dream life, our fears, or the way we perceive shifts in our inner reality. Loss, a clear theme of the square, isn’t always clear-cut, either. The pier knows its being gently eroded by the beach, but we can’t see it…till the day we do. Maybe we feel our body aging, our well-intentioned partners deny it, but we know the truth. This is how the Saturn-Neptune square feels. It’s the gentle erosion of time. It’s the question, how do I want to spend the time I have left? It’s confusion, experiencing a time-out in a space of “not knowing”. It can look crazy- similar to an alcoholic bottoming out — we’ve had our head-in-the-clouds and need to dry out to find solid ground underneath our feet again (for the first time in my astrology practice, I’ve had clients who are living in delusion — and one was gratefully relieved when I named it!). It’s the loss of cherished illusions, wishes, dreams we didn’t realize we had to grieve and leave behind, because until we do, we can’t dream up new ones. Lynn Bell says, Saturn-Neptune aspects test our vision, take us to the graveyard of dreams, and yet it also calls up new ones. Human beings generate dreams to keep them moving forward. (Saturn-Neptune was exact in March, this June, and again in September)
Gemini New Moon, forming a grand cross with Saturn in Sagittarius, Neptune in Pisces and Jupiter in Virgo, is picking up on these shifts. Gemini holds court over our monkey mind, our ability to adapt to rapidly changing conditions, and our perceptions. Since changes often occur in our inner life, in our unconscious and feelings, before they actually make sense to our mind, things may appear to be breaking down in our life in ways we don’t yet understand. Can we open our selves to the possibility that, in some still yet unnamed and unknown way, something miraculous is happening?
Fear is a bugaboo right now. Can you learn to grope along blindly in the dark, to trust your inner process, or are you running it by a million and one sources for verification? Uncentered and anxious, Gemini acts like a chicken with its head cut off. Tune into the quality of your mind. If you find fear and confusion there, regard your fear with the loving energy of a mother who encouragingly holds her child’s hand as the child encounters a new experience for the first time– as a Gemini Mama would. We’re all innocents having new experiences, here. We are all apart of something happening that is so much bigger than us that it’s hard to comprehend… But you know what? You’re going to be okay. You’re okay, right now, because you’re here.
Finally, Venus makes her once-in-a-year-and-a-half superior conjunction with the Sun at this busy New Moon, so, if you remember to look, there’s beauty and truth to be found in connection and pleasure. Do what feels good in your body; pleasure yourself in a Geminian multiplicity of ways. There’s a songbird in our throats, aching to express what we need to acknowledge or speak to and we can do that through art, speech and movement. Venus, invisible in the sky currently, is traveling in her underworld phase; we have the opportunity to look deeply inward at our own cycles of love, loss and redemption, which we’re able to express through our art and speech. Saturn opposes Venus at this New Moon while Jupiter squares it, bringing in the potential for unrealistic expectations and immaturity in love matters. Treat others honorably, take your relationships seriously, because time is ticking and we’ve each got a shelf life. I saw a touching picture of an older couple, and the caption read: Want the secret to lifelong love? Every day of your life, imagine losing them. Truth. Let that truth ground you into the present moment.
News, communication, sharing arrives with this New Moon. Remember, it’s just information, it’s all neutral. Be a gentle listener. People are processing deep shifts in their lives. We do that through sharing. If a share brings up fear for you, acknowledge that. Humans have a tendency to hear what we want to hear, instead of what’s being said. Don’t be so quick to rush to conclusions, or advise. There’s nothing more respectful than allowing another to have their own unfamiliar-to-you experience –and by deeply listening we might actually learn something from each other! At this New Moon, let’s vow to honor the hard work of growth, and the diversity of human experience, by generously giving one another the quality of loving listening we each desire.