You are ready to make a major change -in your relationship patterns, living situation, choice of work, etc. How do you know whether you’re making a True Self choice -one that will bring new, exciting growth- or you’re just replicating an old pattern? Tune into your energy body. You can watch the video above or read the transcript, below.

The precipice of change is daunting
No matter how progressive or adventurous we fancy ourselves to be
It’s human nature to resist and fear change at deep levels

It’s also human nature to move toward the old familiar even when we know we no longer want it or its not healthy or good for us

We think the new choice- the new relationship, cross country move, home- is supposed to feel like a big YES
Like if I’m supposed to move here, or say yes to a date with this person, I should
know it
This person should feel like my soul mate before I even get to know them
Or this place I’m considering moving to, my new home, should feel like my soul mate home
Or any change really, it could be about home schooling your kid
If it’s right for me I should know it in my bones, you think

When in reality, the nature of NEW is unfamiliar, disconcerting
That’s its energy
The very quality of deviating from an old familiar pattern and moving into a new reality, one based on growth and evolution, is a feeling of different-ness, or discomfort

Think of this romantically, because this is an easy analogy to make
A person keeps choosing the same partner over and over in different people; different partner, but they’re the same one -they’re abusive or narcissistic or whatever
They think: Why does this happen?
Here’s why:
The thing you get most drawn in by, lit up about is usually the childhood pattern repeating itself
Your psyche says “yep, there it is, this is what I know -let’s do this!”
And we keep attracting the abuser or the narcissist
So when you come across someone “not my type” and you feel some resistance, like “I don’t know at all about this…I feel unsure”
Some resistance, not being sure about your choice on a mental level, is actually evidence you’re moving into new territory, and breaking up an old pattern

On a soul or subtle level its usually a different story

I have a story here
I knew my husband well over a year before we went on our first date
We talked, worked together, even spent some time together
But I had NO IDEA how I felt about him
He was so different from anyone I’d ever met before
He was as foreign to me as India- a place I’d never visited
Before our first kiss, I had no idea if I was even attracted to him
I felt edgy, a little uncomfortable around him, but I took a risk
The rest is history- eventually we married, and he’s my soul mate
All the soul matey feelings of comfort kicked in eventually but they weren’t there initially

The old pattern was looking for that “It” thing in the other person- that fizz of excitement, the thrill of chemistry -which always landed me back into, you guessed it, the old childhood pattern. I didn’t do that with him.

In the midst of change, the Ego has a tendency to cling to what its known, no matter how adventurous and open to change we think we are
A man is looking to upgrade his job and doesn’t understand why he doesn’t feel a “click” with an exciting opportunity that he knows will bring him growth
That’s because he’s unconsciously looking to replicate the same job he already has
He’ll keep measuring the “radical” choice of his True Self at this point in evolution against different but similar variations of the job he already has, and this will cause the Ego to second guess itself and go “hmm, maybe it will be better over there…”

The Ego looks for the old familiar sock, shoe or flannel shirt
Thinking it needs that same feeling of comfort it has, from the new
That’s the reassurance the Ego wants before it agrees to turn a new corner in growth
But that feeling will only bring it back into the same old pattern

There is a part in each of us that is beyond mind and Ego and will always steer us toward the right decision for the True Self
The soul is the part of us that knows what we want and need before our mind does
If, for instance, you have a decision to make and on a mental level you’re agonizing, tune into your soul
Just for a moment, drop in for a quiet space and ask:
How does the energy of moving in this direction feel?
Imagine being in this place, or with that person
If it’s a YES it will feel smooth, peaceful
If it’s a NO it will feel like lead in your belly
If it’s a YES but and then fear… your is Ego interrupting
Play with this as a technique
You can use this to compare two places or people
For instance the home you aren’t resonant with, with the new home you’re considering
Or the guy who just asked you out with an ex
I think of this like stacking energy side by side
You hold one and it feels a certain way in your subtle body
Then you hold the other and it feels very different (or the same)
Hopefully it feels different– that’s the energy of change!

If you want to stop unconsciously replicating childhood patterns -be it the home you don’t ever “feel at home” with, the work situation that stymies you, the dysfunctional relationship
instead of constantly looking for affirmation with the “…you complete me” feeling,
you need to look for the different, unknown, the edgy, the “I don’t know how I feel about this”
That’s a good sign
It’s a sign you’re doing something different
You’re finally turning a new corner

And if you can understand that embracing discomfort- even training yourself to look for a feeling of differentness in situations that you are ready to change
If you can understand that discomfort, unfamiliarity, “I am not sure about this…” is the circuit breaker that finally switches off old unhealthy patterns, you are ready to grow