Not everyone nor everything you encounter in your life is for you. This is a neutral fact. But boy, do we get confused.

I was reminded this while trying to order a dress, of all things. The dress was so delicate, feminine, delicious and yet trying to buy that dress was like attempting to squeeze blood from a turnip. Everything went wrong from square one. The customer service, the sizing, the returns and exchanges. Yet I tried again, growing more frustrated. Until I had the epiphany that, for whatever mysterious reason, this dressmaker’s energy was not resonant with mine.

Resonance is an immediate and undeniable energy of flow, ease and grace that requires no further explanation. You are in flow, agreement, in tune, “on the same wavelength”.

Nothing about this interaction was in ease, grace or flow with me. With who I am.

No matter how beautiful it was, no matter how great I knew it would look on me, I knew that if the dress wasn’t resonant, I wouldn’t feel good in it. And if I did manage to buy it (through sheer Libra Rising vanity and perseverance), it would sit in my closet, unworn. Because that’s the power of dis-resonance; nothing works out well, no matter how much we want it to.

Energetic resonance is a vital element of a fulfilling, purposeful, successful life. When we aren’t in resonance with something or someone we are in dis-resonance; we are not vibrationally harmonious, our energies do nothing to enhance or support the other’s essence.

At best, when that happens, we are neutral, like two ants on a log side by side. At worst, we miss the opportunity to support one another’s true purpose and authentic self– and that’s a tragic loss.

My dress example is easy; relationship is trickier. How many of us lob off parts of our self to create a false sense of harmony? How many of us are like a tuning fork trying to tune an old piano- constantly working too hard to achieve a vibrational match? I did this with a friend who upset me greatly, but who I didn’t want to lose as a friend (when the evidence all pointed to the fact that, maybe, I should). I was afraid of never having this rare quality of connection with another person, ever again. (this fear is so common in my client work, often the number one reason people stay in wrong relationships). So I focused on the parts of our friendship that were lovely, told myself that when these issues came up again, as they would, I would just have firmer boundaries, take the high road, ignore the parts that bugged me, etc. etc. etc. It was B.S. Because that was a choice designed to compromise myself. And it would do the same for her, because I wasn’t honestly meeting her.

Lobbing off parts of your self does not support resonance for either of you.

No matter how beautiful and lovely a person is, if, while with them, you are not able to live your design, say things in the way only you can say or see them, share your unique perception, your heart’s feelings- to literally do and be exactly what and who you were meant and built to be- you are not in resonance. Being around someone with whom you need to hold back your essential self back is the equivalent of having hands that love to build, or heal, and being told to sit on them. It feels kind of annoyingly tolerable for about an hour, but over extended amounts of time it creates major psychic disturbances and physical imbalances.

When we’re in resonance, the opposite happens. As with music, when one energetic vibration matches another, they enhance and expand one another in fantastic ways. When two are in resonance, both become more powerful, bold, rich, lovely. Suddenly, our one person show becomes a symphony. We take flight in life. Dreams come true. We discover latent resources in our self. Our sense of purpose clicks into place. It’s wonderful to behold, and experience.

When we are in mismatch, in dis-harmony and dis-resonance, we suffer.

We can be in dis-resonance with the place we work, or live. My recent decision to relocate was based on this simple fact: I wasn’t resonant with where I was living. I didn’t love it; I wasn’t sure I even liked it anymore. Slogging along for another five years here would kill me. I could feel it. Some friends thought I was being dramatic. Yet I knew I would not progress on my soul’s path without being vibrationally supported by my environment. Not being dramatic -that’s a fact.

Would you ask a plumber to live in a house with leaky pipes and not fix them? An architect to live in a building they are aesthetically averse to? An artist to collect art they did not love? No, because, it would f** them up. Yet so many people are in dis-resonant situations in their lives, and ask this of their self on some level.

People, places, art, music, fashion, ideas all have energies. They either enhance and uplift us, helping us to self-actualize, or they create friction and tension, pulling us down into dis-resonance. Dis-resonance is uncomfortable and no fun. It’s like: having a beautiful dress hang in your closet, unworn; being a summer person living in the North pole; having an expert nose, and a backyard full of roses that have no scent. It’s right for another, just not you.

We are meant to use all of our gifts, and as much as possible. To do so, we need to be around people and environments that are authentically in resonance with us, and we with they. In the right environment, with the right people, we increase our success- that’s a law of Libra. We seek uplift, we seek relationships that enhance and complement us because we are designed to be in harmony within our selves. Resonance is a skill of sensitivity, one you have naturally but may have forgotten (if you are wondering how to develop this muscle, here’s a video I created).

Libra New Moon supports efforts to bring your being and life back into harmony. In what areas of life are you experiencing effortless ease, flow and grace? (i.e., What and who are you in vibrational resonance with?) How can you invite more of that experience into your life? (Cultivating greater inner sensitivity to what and who you like or love helps). Where are you in dis-resonance? Who and what causes you to compromise your essential self, lob off your precious self parts? Why do you feel you need to do that? Fear? Loyalty? Conditioning? Habit?

These are questions to curiously explore at this Libra New Moon, a time to recalibrate your inner Scales and realign in a more harmonious pattern, one that supports the overall expression of your life.