One of the most eye-opening, joy-inducing experiences of moving to a new location has been re-realizing what it feels like to be living in a just right resonant environment. In California, life had become unnecessarily hard. Even the littlest things, like going to the grocery and running errands, interacting with people too often left me covered in an invisible but palpable dense, difficult to clear, energy.
In my first days here, though, I noticed something different: after conversing with a half dozen people with different energy fields (always precarious for an energy sensitive) I felt light, clear, open, and oddly good. And I wanted to more deeply feel the easy vibes they were emitting.
For instance, a couple responding to an ad I placed on Craigslist wowed me with their light and joy. Their sweetness and generosity was palpable, and it was clear they lived their lives this way. As I gravitated towards their energy like a flower turning toward the Sun, something in my heart tugged and felt sad. By comparison, I felt a little shut down. Like I was outside a candy store, looking in, separated by a window of glass. I realized, Ooh, I really, really wanted what they had. Their light, joy, sense of play. Did I dare think I could have it?
You have a golden shadow. Much attention has been given the dark shadow — mostly because of the Ego’s misguided logic, “if I eliminate what’s wrong with me I’ll finally be okay.” But just as people who elicit a strong negative reaction can alert us to our unconscious character traits (or, equally possible, one who is dis-resonant for us), a strong positive response can be a sign that we are closer than we think to our own beauty and power. When we covet another’s beauty, talent, style, love, light… we glimpse our own golden shadow.
Our golden “other” holds positive unconscious traits we have yet to claim. Herein lays the potential for confusion. Because we can’t yet see this inside our self, it’s easy to give our golden light to another: We fall in love, become best friends, worship a teacher or guru, develop a fantasy love affair or crush… and, ultimately if we don’t allow this relationship to change our relationship to our self, our golden shadow walks away when they do.
When we think another has all the love/beauty/talent goodies, we are in touch with the golden shadow. I have a client who spent several decades gilding an image of her therapist, giving this woman, this relationship, all the positive attributes they longed for with another- particularly, a spiritual based connection to an unconditionally accepting, loving, feminine authority figure (she has natal Venus in Scorpio conjunct Neptune in the tenth house). Then, one day out of the blue the therapist fell off the pedestal. My client asked, “Now where am I going to put all this energy I’d been focusing on her?” “On your self?” I suggested. “What traits were you giving her?” A good rule of thumb with the (golden) shadow is: If you can see it in another, it’s yours. Then the practice becomes figuring out how to own and enact what is already yours.
And “the work” is as simple as the decision or intention to own it as yours.
Because, in this Divine reality, we are already everything and everyone.
I didn’t need to glom onto the couple I met; they had what was mine (which is why I wanted it so badly), but due to self-protection, been missing. Because I was used to encountering dis-resonant people in my dis-resonant environment, I’d been holding my Soul at arms length in everyday life. I had kept my sweet, silly, light side under wraps, reserving that only for my clients, so I only got to experience this part of myself when I was in service to others. Enough! I wanted to feel this for ME. When I set the intention to no longer hold my soul back – for light, joyful, sweet intimacy with all of life to return to me- I stepped into my golden light.
Libra Full Moon sheds light on relationship issues, issues that may be hard to clearly see without the light of this Moon. We can more easily see the projections we place onto others during Libra Full Moon –making this a perfect time to reclaim our golden shadow. Does someone in your live – friend, love interest, role model- possess or have what you most want? Are you giving away what you most want for your self, to them? Are your “you complete me” ideas about love or relating keeping you from precious intimacy with YOU?
Venus enters Taurus (on 3/30), perhaps the most self-possessed, embodied of Venus signs. Think of Botticelli’s Primavera, at home in the natural world, with her curvy body, within her self, the Goddess’ outstretched arm says, “This. This beauty is all mine…” It’s a wonderful attitude/posture to take, especially if you don’t even know how/where to begin to own your beauty, light, joy, talent, power. Set the intention to restore your golden shadow and access your full Goddess power. Start with what brings you joy and pleasure. This is an earthy, sensual Venus. Start with what makes your body hum with bliss & delight.
With Venus’ exaltation in Taurus, this Moon is a powerful time for manifesting Venus magic. Venus in Taurus invites us to value and reclaim what feels good, right and true for us. Particularly, if you find your self consistently looking to others, coveting some answer or goodie you think you don’t have, it is time for you to own what you already HAVE. Remember, if you can see it, and it feels good in your body and being, it is already yours!
P.S.- For more on integrating your golden shadow, you might want to read my book A Love Alchemist’s Notebook: Magical Secrets for Drawing Your True Love into Your Life.