I’ve been making a lot of decisions to do things differently, lately.
I made a decision to quit my guitar class. It was a difficult one because I really enjoy learning guitar. In fact, I enjoyed riding my little beach bike to the university twice a week with guitar on my back…feeling the quintessential cross between Gidget and an aspiring Sheryl Crow. But those good reasons didn’t outweigh the fact that the class itself, several aspects of it, were not working for me to the point of disrupting my energy field for hours. And the more I tried to make it work, the more out of alignment I got.
So I put on my Wonder Woman bracelets and did the hard thing. I decided to quit.
But the next day there I was not following through, and feeling real shitty.
Then, the next, and the next. Fuck. I did not want to let this go.
I knew exactly what my Soul wanted but when I imagined telling the teacher it was instant story time about how bad it would make him feel, how he’d want to change my mind, etc. etc. and how awful that would be for me. I also knew that when I turned to my sweetheart for support he would likely disagree with my decision.
This was paralyzing me. I sat with it and realized I was making some critical errors:
I needed to stop considering other people’s feelings. At all. I know it sounds dramatic in this day and age, but for sensitives over-consideration of other’s feelings stymies the inner warrior, leadership. Thinking about how someone else might feel can perpetually paralyze right action of the Self. In clear moments about “what’s right,” it is not necessary to take others feelings into account.
What if Rosa Parks had thought “I don’t want to make the driver late for dinner and get upset with me” and decided to give up her seat? For me, sometimes thinking of heroic female role models who stand in what’s right and true…and they abound right now… helps to mobilize the capacity to stand in truth and then take action.
How else can it be loving to not consider others feelings? Mothers do this with their kids all the time. That’s the Soul to Ego. It is always loving to stand in truth and light.
That’s love. And:
What’s right for me is also right for you. This is a tricky one to wrap your head around, because clearly two people can be of different minds about the same thing. But opinions and beliefs come from the Ego which is always acting on limited information. On an ultimate level, it is impossible for two Souls to be in disagreement… about anything. If something feels wrong for me, it is also wrong for you, even if you don’t yet realize it. I first learned this when I made the decision that we needed to move, which my partner initially very much opposed. I trust my truth, even when others disagree. It is hard to make this call, but at this point it would be harder to ignore it. Love does what’s right, even when it’s hard. That’s love.
I needed to stop confusing approval with support. Ever done this?: I think I’m informing my husband of decisions that I’ve already gotten clear on, when I’m secretly asking “you do agree with and approve (and so love me), right?” Hmmm, but he often doesn’t agree. Because has his own Ego filter and can only respond through that. Yet on a Soul level he is absolutely accepting and unconditionally loving, whatever I do. He has proven this over and over again by standing by me during many decisions I’ve made in which he would do differently. That’s love.
What is love, to you? Is it agreement on all sides? Is it me, taking care of your feelings? Or is it doing what’s right for me — and trusting that’s what’s right for all? Libra’s shadow is too much empathizing, confusing approval with love, over-consideration about others wants and desires, instead of what I WANT & DESIRE, all to the detriment of Self (Aries). This particular Libra New Moon is a time to reconsider any of your more shadowy Libra habits.
As a result of all this overdeveloped shadowy Libra action, I had lost touch with my backbone, and was waffling. I had been feeling as spineless as a jellyfish; I questioned whether I had courage at all! (Yikes, yes, just empathic). To locate your literal and metaphorical backbone, sink into your spine. When I sank into my spine, energetically, it was there, just obscured by the above. I kept returning to my backbone, my energy lit up, like a sunrise at dawn.
Also…
Make your desires your guide. As Venus makes her retrograde passage through 11/16 in the signs of Scorpio (in Scorpio till 10/30, then Libra) first and foremost it is time to develop a deeper relationship with our Soul’s truth. What do you really WANT? Really. Don’t listen to your mind, but your feelings and your gut. What feels pleasurable, right for you (and what absolutely, honestly, does not)? Listen. This is Truth. Take your time– she’s in the underworld for 40 days.
While noodling on the guitar, I’d been exploring how pleasure likes to go slow, meander, figure out what she likes… That’s what I want to experience while learning this new skill. During this period, as we each get clearer and more honest about our bottom lines, about what we really want, people may react, the cards will fall where they may. We can allow that to happen. Because that’s love, too.
I LOVED this article!! Thank you! I’m a Sun and Saturn in Aries with no planets in Libra yet people pick me up as a Libra. I’m always considering other’s feelings and am definitely an empath. At times I really need to remind myself I’m an Aries warrior and to channel my inner Wonder Woman. My grand trine in water puts that fire out alot of the time. This article really resonated with me. Thanks again for writing it! ? ?
Truly appreciate your expression!
That was wonderful. Thank you for sharing.
Good article, Jessica. And I wondered as I read this if the fear of asking for what we need & want isn’t also an age related thing. I certainly was more timid when younger. At 62, it’s speak my truth and let the pieces fall where they may. I don’t go out of my way to create discomfort but I’m clear that someone else’s discomfort has little to do with me. Trust me, this does all get easier with age!
This resonates with me—as do all of your posts–as I waffle on letting not one but three people know that I need to restructure our (business) arrangement. A little tricky territory b/c 2 out of 3 are healers to whom I feel a deep debt of gratitude. But, as you point out, thinking of things in terms of debts and credits is productive of big, gummy messes. My Libra (people pleasing at the expense of self) shadow is long. Yet, always, when I’ve dug deep – or realigned with my spine, as you say – and stated my needs and my desires I’ve felt so free. When I’ve waffled or worse yet made an awkward passive aggressive mess of things —it just feels so icky. These days, when I waver from self-actualizing in big and small ways, the rage comes quickly. It’s ugly and painful to repress myself. Anyway, thank you for sharing and for the encouragement. Wishing you well as you navigate your days.
Meg, thanks for your wise woman words. I had just been thinking about this related to Saturn’s exaltation in Libra, which suggests that when Saturn energies like wisdom/age, backbone, boundaries are applied to Libra it brings out the best in Libra, grace, ease, peace and true (versus romanticized or codependent) expressions of love.
“Speak my truth and let the pieces fall where they may” can feel like ripping a band aid off the first few (or twenty!) times, but it does seem to get less uncomfortable with practice. xx
This is actually the story of my life – the libra-Aries axis is very strong, with an Aries rising /Lilith opposing my Libran moon. Me or we?
I really liked “what is right for is also right for you.” I needed that reminder that my ego cannot see the bigger picture but my soul can. And it tells me through my dreams, intuitions, and strong gut feelings. Most often my strong gut feelings are in my solar-plexus “power chakra” which lets me know I am in a power struggle with someone. If my heart chakra tightens I know I am breaking my own heart in some way. And my throat tells me I am needing to speak up or afraid to do so. And sometimes–like right now–I am confused because I am unhappy but don’t yet see a way out. People-pleasing is the shadow side of being so empathic. Great article.
Love this, it’s very helpful being a Scorpio with a Libra rising..and N Node..I’ve been working on this issue anyway and can really feel the intensity of opportunity around this issue..scary as it can be for whatever reason. So what happen when you quit the class ? 🙂
Thank you for this insightful articulation of the heart!!! This really resonated with my experience and I’m so thankful for how your expression of experience helped me see me own self limiting patterns. Perfect for Venus retro. ? from a Leo
Hi Kathleen,
I had anticipated this process of leaving would go difficult and painfully, as other experiences had prior. “Anticipated” being the operative word. I’m happy to report: it wasn’t! Now, just looking for a new better fit. xx