I had a moment last week, not one of my clearer ones, even though it yielded some good, profound realizations. I had been interacting with a lot of people in grief energy, which I in turn thought was mine, which is always tricky. So, for some time, I went deep into the energy of grief.
I can say now that I got to take a master class on grief. As an energy packet, I intimately know how it feels: heavy, thick, tired, foggy (especially when not being processed), sad, angry and intense, dark, brooding, lonely, pissed off, desperate, frustrated, wanting to curl up and die. I felt all of this, and, as you might imagine, it was really awful feeling. Because so much is clustered together, grief is has multiple layers to it. It isn’t just one feeling; it has so many expressions making it complex.
Grief… We all get to feel this way, right? It’s human. When we do, we need to move through it. There are many ways to do this. During this time, I had a dream where I was watching flood waters rising (a symbol for feeling helpless to emotions) and yet I noticed some people were water skiing, snorkeling, and many were just walking through it. With grief, as with any energy, we get to choose how to direct it. Yet to do that we need to take time to observe and acknowledge it’s presence. In my dream, the water of emotion was actually very shallow, with multiple avenues for “crossing”; grief only gets overwhelmingly deep & anxiety producing when refusing to engage it (or, as an empath, when mistaking another’s grief for your own).
Here are just a few ways to work with grief:
-take time to FEEL
-draw, paint, write, express
-cry, yell into pillows, curse at God/Goddess (they can handle it)
-indulge your inner child with goodies and treats
-treat your self as you would a sick person, with utmost compassion and care. In acute loss, keep your self warm & comfortable. During shock/trauma, the body gets cold easily and digestion is compromised, so easy to digest foods, like broth, are life savers.
-observe the stories you are telling your self
One of the cool things that complex energy packet we call grief does is alert us to false stories we are telling our self. If it weren’t so painful it would be funny how they are right there, ready and waiting to start up. What story do you consistently turn to when grief, sadness and loss comes up for you? Is it about how you will never have (this or that)? That life will always be, feel or look this way? Is it a story about regret? Is it an untrue story about your self?Or another person?
Even though I was feeling others’ energies, that sadness alerted me to a story. I had been telling myself I was waiting for a moment of enlightenment, of change, a moment when my big transformation will kick in, and that moment will lead to some ultimate outcome. Then… oh God, what if it doesn’t? What if that never happens? I was caught up in hope & fear (Sound familiar?)
I can tell you where this line of thinking lead…despair, agony. Nowhere good. However, when I sat with the energy, neither feeding the story with thought nor trying to change it, and grounded instead, sitting back into my pelvic bowl, it started to shift and open up into a lightness of being. Nowhere turned out to not be so bad, just a place of emptiness. Here, you discover that you are just pure Light. There is nothing to change or transform your life into; you are there already.
Try the above. Sit with the energy of your story & watch it shift & clear.
Then, try this on, see how it feels for you:
There is no ultimate transformation to be had; you are already transformed. The only thing to do is to settle in, and become more comfortable with where you are now.
Whether healing through loss (which goes at a much-slower-than-we’d-like pace) or wanting to align with something new and wonderful, “transformation” is a hard sell in our culture. So much so that the fact that you are already evolving, without needing to acquire, be or do anything, has become a radical thought. Western culture sells us on having better, being happier. Pop spiritual culture says if we were more authentic, more aligned with Love or God, or healed…then xyz would happen. We think we’re just one astrology reading, book, relationship, diet, job away from transformation.
Can you see the set up, for either hope/ecstasy or fear/despair?
Primal emotions run hot and dramatic during Scorpio season. We might feel a driving energy get to the bottom of things. Darker energies, like grief, arise. We can get stuck on a story, and turn a transitory emotional energy into something more chronic. Taurus Full Moon grounds us: There is nothing to change. No peak experience necessary. No need for soul mates, “finding my purpose,” or cure for anything. You evolve naturally. You are joy. Everything is for you, here, the miraculous in the mundane – which is also how we get to experience joy. In the delicious coconut milk iced latte I’m drinking, the cuddly softness of my dog after being freshly scrubbed with lavender mint buddy wash, the smell of the wild ginger on our lanai that bloomed for the very first time today.
Always, these simple pleasures are impossible to enjoy if I’m caught up in an energy.
In nature, transformation is not an ambition or wish to be something we are yet not…it is happening all the time, 24/7. Paradoxically, when we flow with that which we already are, instead of thinking there’s anything we need to do or be, “what is” aligns with the change our Soul wants to experience next. That’s when the synchronicity for our next step suddenly appears, the magical thing you are waiting for manifests. Just as the rain stops only when it’s done raining, and the flower opens when it’s ready, we need only trust that our highest unfolding is happening…and enjoy the experience.