What had started out feeling good no longer did. So, I did the hard but right thing. I decided to take space from the relationship. To adjust the situation, take care of me, instead of adjusting myself.
My Ego protested. But I love this friend! Isn’t there another way?!
My Soul replied, This isn’t about love. This is about honoring what I feel is in alignment.
My Ego kept arguing with me. For days, weeks.
This was truly a no-win situation. On one hand, I could stay in the relationship and feel badly. On the other, I could leave the relationship and feel bad, but in alignment with me.
I did the hard, but right thing. It felt awful (the other option felt worse).
I felt their feelings of rejection, confusion, sadness. I felt real feelings of sadness of my own.
And all the while, I remind myself I am doing the Right thing.
It has been so damn uncomfortable.
I’ve done this before; doing the Right thing doesn’t get easier.
(Though recognizing what is and isn’t resonant for me, does.)
It may cost me a relationship. It’s not up to me, really. I decide what feels ok and good for me. To a degree, the rest is up to the other person, what they decide to do next.
This is the initiative required of us, at times. To make these type of hard calls based on what we need. Leadership doesn’t necessarily look like honestly telling someone what we believe, or even know, their issues is/are. Often that’s a great way to become even more involved or entrenched in the dynamic the other person is working through- potentially the opposite of what you want.
The other alternative is to accept it all. Let the other person have their experience, work it out. Don’t judge. But be honest enough to let them know that you need to take care of yourself.
My job isn’t to heal my relationships. My job is to be present to what I feel and what I need.
What I need is to protect my inner circle. To keep it a clear space where I can be my authentic self.
Intuitive Energy Practice: Who Doesn’t Feel Good?
Your intimate inner circle is your sanctuary, and needs to be honored as a sacred and clear space. It is the place you can reliably breathe clean air, where you recharge and recoup your energy with loved ones whose energy resonates with yours – that is, who reliably leave you feeling joyful, good.
Don’t underestimate the power of having a clear and good-feeling inner circle — and likewise the imbalance not feeling that way wreaks. We may ably tolerate all kinds of energies from, say, our workplace cohorts, but our close primary relationships must be kept sacred, light, pristine and clear.
Libra New Moon is a time of rebalancing ourselves in relationship, and relationship practices, that feel good, true, right. Since Venus, planet of equality, balance, relationship, is square Pluto, Lord of core wounding, honesty, transformation/death, victim/empowerment we need to explore our relationships with a greater degree of honesty than we might first think.
-Is your “support” enabling them to stay in their wound?
-With them, are you acting out your core wound?
-Do you feel you cannot be totally truthful or authentic?
–Do you leave your interactions feeling bad more often than good?
It’s not uncommon, if you have someone who is dis-resonant in your inner circle, to feel quite badly for days – or even weeks, depending- after an interaction with that person.
Energy sensitives, especially, need to listen to and honor how we feel as our True North Guidance. Our intuitive knowings always give us reliable information about what we need.
It’s not a comfortable or easy decision, taking space from or ending a relationship. In fact, many people stay in or tolerate dis-resonant relationships, and feel worse for it, for that reason.
Yet by doing this you set up a law of attraction energy pattern. It’s as if God/Goddess goes, Oh, you can settle for feeling mildly crappy instead of giddy and good, huh? I will send you more of the same.
You deserve to feel amazing and joyful and awesome and honored.
(And so do they. If you are not feeling Good, whether they realize it or not, neither are they. The goal is for everyone to feel Good again.)
Now, in a spirit of gratitude, honor and reverence for all who have touched your life and heart, ground, root, center. Ask your energy body: Who doesn’t feel good to me right now?
This question may reveal a client, friend, partner, your hairdresser…anyone really.
Maybe they used to feel good but they don’t any longer. That’s okay. This is neutral information.
No one wakes up one day and just decides that a relationship isn’t feeling joyful or aligned anymore. It just happens; it’s not your fault. But you are responsible for listening to what you feel.
Sit quietly with what you receive. Is this something you can resolve? Or have you tried already?
You have permission to gracefully take space from the relationship. Remember, guilt, loyalty, sacrifice are not good motivations for staying in any relationship or commitment. You don’t have to sacrifice your own happiness for another’s (and that’s impossible anyhow -it doesn’t work).
And if you got this far, but the thought of communicating this really freaks you out…
Communicating the above to another in a compassionate, human, way is delicate. If you’ve been following this blog, you’ll know that in recent years my relationships have required more authenticity from me than ever, and truly the communication piece has been the hardest for me. I could write a chapter on this art form. In a nutshell, I always pray/ask for my Ego to step aside and the Goddess to move through me. I keep it very brief. I don’t elaborate. I don’t caretake their feelings, even though that is difficult and I never want to hurt another’s feelings! Even when I have felt my clearest and most centered in communicating, sometimes they get hurt/upset anyways.
Yet, as I’ve given myself permission to no longer take care of others’ feelings, and be even more deeply honest about my inner experience, I’ve become empowered in ways I’ve never before been. Putting myself, my authentic needs, first, being the most empowering one of all.
Libra New Moon teaches that the path toward honoring others is honoring our self, first. If a relationship feels consistently out of alignment, maintaining it will further that misalignment.
Your choices determine your experience of relationship. You are the one who gets to decide what you are willing to tolerate, and that sets the precedent for how you are treated by others. If you are in a no-win situation at this time, things will get better. Even if it’s temporarily difficult, and the opposite of joyful, nothing is more empowering than choosing what ultimately feels Good, Right and Joyful for you. Give yourself what you need. The Cosmic Libran Scales will re-balance.