I found myself, recently, in an uncomfortable and prolonged state of hyper-vigilance. I could feel the way my body wouldn’t allow myself to fully relax. The tension behind my heart, and in my shoulders, as if bolstering myself, readying myself, for the next fresh hell to appear, the next tiger or bear to attack.
It was the compounded stress of many challenging situations in which I had to be the leader, figure things out, make hard decisions and process many emotions and energies –and because I’m empathic, many of these energies were not my own. I was doing double, triple, quadruple duty.
Also, being an empath, my fight-flight-freeze is regularly stimulated when I feel dis-resonant energy. One of the practices I’ve had to learn is to override the Ego’s interpretation of “danger, run for your life!” and recognize that what I am experiencing as simply a signal of dis-resonant energy around me.
I was doing all this, while holding it all together.
Being the strong, capable warrior Goddess that I am.
Then, as my motley crew of Pluto, Saturn and Chiron transits would have it, I was pushed too far. Just as I had finished working through one challenge, yet another arose, like a triple headed hydra.
Underneath all that hyper-arousal, I was getting pretty pissed off.
Really angry, in fact.
I went inward. Had a good (imaginary) yell. Felt rage. Worked with it.
It wasn’t shifting. I went a little deeper. I felt a screaming banshee. Saw a woman at a wailing wall. Primal screams. Oh. This was bigger than I thought.
It was not enough to simply acknowledge and sit with it. You can’t talk yourself (mentally) out of the (body’s) physiological and chemical need to release anger, trauma. The amygdala, where fight or flight is stimulated, is pre-verbal. The feeling arises before the signal reaches the frontal cortex, which is why, when you reach a critical chemical threshold you can’t think clearly.
I wasn’t thinking clearly; I couldn’t think my way through this.
You aren’t supposed to think clearly. Just act. Release. Yell. Punch. Shake. Hit. Get the energy out.
I needed to let it out, to allow my parasympathetic nervous system to return to that calm, relaxed, fully embodied state. And to give the hyper-alert Aries Moon warrior inside, a rest.
Aries Full Moon Intuitive Energy Practice: Let It Rip
This particular Full Moon, square Pluto and Saturn, brings up accumulated traumas and stressors for release. Whereas intellectual Libra Sun tries to find a middle, peaceful ground amidst all the stressors and hardship, Aries Moon turns up the visceral heat. If you are having a Pluto-Saturn transit, you likely feel “enough is enough,” and this dynamic cardinal T-square is very capable of shifting the energy for you. This Full Moon can be the release valve you need, to let it all go.
Why try it?
Life is long. Things pile up. Traumas accumulate over time. There are big “T” traumas- life events that anyone would define as traumatic (divorce, illness, death) – and the little “t” traumas like dealing with ongoing pressure in a relationship, home or work situation. Prolonged traumatic stress is a reality for many. The bio-chemical reality is that we need to physically release it to be fully free. Or we walk through life as a traumatized warrior, with too many free-floating stress chemicals.
The practice: Choose a safe space that will give you privacy to yell, scream and do whatever your energy body needs to let it out. Your car. Your house, when no one else is home.
If you have pets, be sure to put them in another room (I can’t bear to see their concern for me!).
Then… let it rip. Scream into pillows. Hit. Yell. Allow yourself to feel physically big as you do this. Maybe you need to swing a baseball bat in the backyard or just throw your whole body into a punch. I’ve found this is important, as a woman: to feel I can be large, take up bodily space, as I do this.
You might want to “shake”- this is a popular Trauma Release Exercise. (linked) It works.
You might just need to yell “Fuck” over and over and over.
Don’t think too much about it. Don’t feed the energy with story. Allow what comes up, to come up.
If you believe you’re not supposed to have or express this kind of rage or anger, acknowledge it. This is totally common, especially for women. (I remember once posting a picture from this video of bad-ass Beyonce letting it rip, and receiving harsh feedback from a male reader, essentially saying he didn’t find female anger feminine or attractive. Hmmmm. Threatened much? )
Afterwards, allow yourself to lay down for at least five minutes, again, so you can give your Ego plenty of time to recognize that you are now safe, calmed, and you’ve taken care of yourself. Feel the calming cascades of energy restore your parasympathetic nervous system.
Finally, I find that it helps to do something totally different after I’m done with a session, so the energy can fully dissipate. Like, go for a swim or watch a movie. Otherwise, the temptation to mentally analyze what just happened can pop you right back into that energy (till it totally clears).
It really is remarkable, if you allow your self to release all that stored up tension, how different you feel afterwards. The calm and energetic integrity you achieve is so restorative… and incentivizing for doing release work regularly. Especially if you are under this pressurized Saturn-Pluto transit, you need release valves. I’m now scheduling regular sessions for myself, with myself, as a precaution.
Squares bring the opportunity to shift energy. We are in an astrological period where it’s practically impossible to not feel and honestly face any tension that has built-up in our lives. Use the squares of this dynamic Full Moon to restore your balance — give yourself the release you need!