Aquarius Full Moon: The Call of Truth

Last December I did something bold, and something absolutely terrifying. I told my husband I wanted to move. Out of state. Away from California, our home for twenty years.

Actually, I had been telling him I wanted to move for months, but I wasn’t being received. He didn’t want to move. We’d lose his retirement benefits. Not the right time. Maybe in about five years. And the conversation was shelved.

But I didn’t have five years. I was desperately unhappy. Nothing felt good or right here, anymore, for me. I had changed, and I needed my environment to support me. I felt like a tomato plant trying to grow in an inhospitable, parched and dry, desert. I didn’t even know where we’d move to, yet…I hadn’t gotten that far. Heck, I didn’t know what was possible for us. We needed to explore options and places, together.

Yet I wasn’t getting through. It wasn’t what I was saying but how I was saying it. I had been complaining, not speaking as the Goddess. So I took a deep breath from the bottom of my vagina and said “We need to move by the end of 2017.” I said that if he didn’t want to move, because that was the message he had been giving me, then we would have to figure out a part-time living situation for me. Then I was silent. It was a bold move. And it terrified me, because all of my childhood and female programming flooded my system, reminding me that, historically, if I asserted, no, insisted on my True Self needs, I wouldn’t survive that fallout. That my very survival depended on the approval of the male figure in my world– and to defer and back down, right NOW.

Yet I was no longer a child, dependent on another for survival. I was a grown-ass woman capable of making her own decisions and I needed to be heard.

I knew I wouldn’t survive here for another 5 years. I knew we wouldn’t survive.

I suddenly became terrified, that our marriage wouldn’t survive my insistent self-assertion.

(I have a feeling that every woman knows what this feels like.)

Oh God, he might leave me. That thought hadn’t occurred to me before this moment, but as I was standing there it surely did. And in that moment, I could clearly see how by not taking this huge risk, I’d be betraying myself.

I set a big wheel in motion that day, though now its become way more fun and interesting. We are actively seeking new places to live. It’s now become apparent that a relocation wasn’t just for me, but us, as all the reasons why he also needs to leave unfolded in the months following. He hadn’t been able to see it then. This taught me a great lesson: When one half of a committed couple hears the call of Truth, it benefits all. If your Divine Self gently calls, and then more insistently bangs on your door, advising you that it’s time to make a bold and radical move, if you’re both committed to being together for the long haul, it will benefit everyone. Without exception.

It can only be right to follow the call of The Truth, which is another thing I learned:

The Truth is never MY Truth- that would make it of the Ego. The Truth is The Truth. People tend to say “I’m standing in MY Truth and it’s xyz…” which makes my truth sound like its different from yours, and that sets up a polarity that is basically an invitation for someone to argue with you. Nope. The Truth is The Truth is The Truth. You don’t qualify “the sky is blue”, with, “well, its blue… for me?” The Truth is what is happening, what is. The Truth was the simple fact we needed to move. Period (not question mark).

When I took that deep breath, I stood in The Truth. Not my Truth, THE TRUTH.

In the months ensuing, working through insecurities, questions, fears about the move, I’ve had many opportunities to keep standing in The Truth. Which, as I discovered, took pressure off my Ego from constantly having to defend itself.  It was such a huge relief to let The Truth have my back. Nope, not going there, not convincing, not reassuring, arguing, cajoling, questioning or backing down. I’m standing in The Truth now.

So.

At this Full Moon, what Truth is ready to make itself known, for you?

Where can you give your Ego a rest from trying to be more convincing, articulate, clear for another in your communication, and instead of taking a defensive posture about what you want, step boldly into THE TRUTH?

How are you holding your self back?

Are you ready to get out of your own way?

Aquarius Full Moon is about leaving behind the shackles of old conditioning keeping us from a delicious, orgiastic freedom that can only arrive through being authentic and true to you. Often that freedom is achieved by saying yes when you mean yes, and no when you mean no (waffling, being a pushover, indecisive will harsh your authenticity/freedom mellow). Other times we are unwitting participants in ingrained, conditioned childhood patterns – holdovers from long ago. We want to say yes or no, to make a change… but that would mean we’d have to stop catering to someone else’s insecurities. Or, we want to follow the call of Truth…but to place our Divine Self’s knowing above all else, and be willing to risk everything? Whoa, what self-love, what courage, what compassion.

This is an eclipse, which is like an Aquarius Full Moon, with exclamation marks. Eclipses are game-changers, wild cards that tend to move us ten paces forward on an issue. They can quicken internal drives that accelerate our evolution. With eclipses, we have an ability to see patterns, and change them. With Aquarius (or any Uranus transit), we are ready to break free from unhealthy habits into greater authenticity, and this may mean disappointing another’s version of reality, shaking up their expectations, initially surprising or shocking them.

But the beautiful thing about THE TRUTH… it will set you free. I experienced this big time, that day. The old pattern of deference, poof!, gone. The old childhood fear that my needs and desires wouldn’t be taken seriously, that I didn’t matter? I moved at least a hundred paces ahead on that one. I continue to experience uplifting whooshes of freedom in big and small ways, from being honest with myself about a social obligation being out of alignment for me, to an energy that’s affecting me, which, once honestly acknowledged, clears.

THE TRUTH will set you free. Can you let this in, deeply? Not just understanding this intellectually, but knowing and experiencing it in your body? In the coming days, allow THE TRUTH to surround, guide, hold and protect you, embracing you like a mother’s warm arms. An Aquarian mother, maybe -necessarily detached from what other people think or feel, whose true warmth is her sparkling authenticity, and whose love is Divine liberation. She’s a palpable Goddess energy field, THE TRUTH, as real and clear as the blue sky you and I share.

P.S. -Want to know how August’s eclipses will impact you? Read more right here.

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Comments

  1. ya, that’s the game isn’t it… is it true? is it true for me? everyone else says it is true, but it’s not true for me… what is true for me.. and oh yes, i know this one too ~ move or die… but i waited (years)…. until everything that needed to be finished (people dying so i wasn’t deserting them, and other things taken care of, old stuff dumped, okay some of it i wish i’d kept, but, being a magnet for stuff…)…. when it all lined up, it was a no effort, layin out like domino effect – movers have the stuff, jump in the car and go….. then out west.. oh god, this place i live, this job… i might as well die, there is no where to move to (funny, i got talked out of that)…. slowly slowly turning the battleship around, dumping the old family programing, searching for ways to shift my life… my fav one now is dr joe dispenza’s stuff about changing who i am…. i saw the testimonials on youtube – of people shifting their lives, and thought.. well, if they can, i can…. the repeated note in all of their “music” was – “doing the meditating everyday to change.. no matter what, coz that’s how badly i want this”… so every day when i don’t feel like it.. ya, that’s the old self talking… so, never mind.. just go do it and add one more star to the daytimer that i did it…. i thought, nothing is happening… then, after a few months, like little sparks of light, tiny shifts… then more, then intuitive insights, then moments and times of ‘happy for no reason’….. and i so remember mummy saying, ya, whever you go – there you are… i love that i didn’t have to move anywhere and am connecting to bliss right where i am… every day, every day.. inch by inch, ya ya…. i tell ya, this is the biggest move i have every made, just right here in my jammies..
    thanks for letting me blab Jessica, i so adore your posts xoxo

  2. Helen, “this is the biggest move I have ever made, just right here in my jammies”. Oooh, as a Cancer I adore that you just said that. xx Jessica

  3. Congrats, Jessica!!!

    Different experience here -with Sun conjunct my Moon and my mother’s Sun, still processing this one.

  4. Hi Jessica,
    I’ll miss knowing you are around but so happy to know that you guys are working on this in harmony together. That is a REALLY big request so I understand your trepidation. But you DO count and YOU ARE Goddess : )
    Now about the TRUTH. Hit me a bit late, smack in the heart last night. Now have decided to DO something about it : ) Moving too on the brain. Enuf already.

    I love what Helen said too : ) I am working with meditation as lwel. Mostly guided on my Calm app but doing some on my own and life is shifting oddly sometimes, but feels like a hose gushing out all the crap that’s been in there all this time finally free to go…Eclipses are always very intense for me.

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