Introducing a new bi-monthly astrology love advice column! He Said,She Said features a love advice question answered by professional astrologers Jessica Shepherd of Moonkissd and Jeffrey Kishner of Seduction Central . After they each provide their perspective, they combine their insight to offer advice they both can agree on.
Here’s this week’s Reader Question:
I guess I’ll just dive in. Two broken marriages, my fault. The first lasted 16 years, the second 10. No fighting, no yelling, the first to a passionless Libra, high school sweetheart. The second to a Leo full of physical passion and deep connection–a lot more fiery. But both were very peaceful, even happy marriages until: Flirtations that became affairs…I was friendly, and then didn’t know how to say, “No, I don’t want to do this.”
Too late. Sad children and wreckage everywhere. I’ve cleaned my self and the mess up as well as I can–and I’m still working on it. Buddha is a light in the dark. I love people. I don’t want to hurt anyone again. 2004, 05, and 06 were very dark years. I’m getting better. I feel some light. I want a soulmate, a lifemate. I wouldn’t live through hurting another person again. Could you give me some guidance? Is there a soulmate for me? Who, what sort of person, would be a match that would happily hold on with me through this life?
Someone said if it happens once, it’s a fluke, but if it happens twice it will surely happen a third time. While this may not apply to everything, with major infidelity, it’s the rule – not the exception.
I mention this because I’m curious about you. You’ve suffered for your choices. But project yourself into the future: could you say “no” now? I’m sensing a major helping of remorse but it’s your ambiguity that grabs me.
Your 5th house Sun in Aquarius square Neptune in Libra illuminates your uneasiness. After the damage done and “lessons learned” do you wonder what you’ll do when you find yourself in the same situation again? Because you will. Your ambivalence creates those dangerously loose boundaries, the ones that unfurl dangerous liaisons.
And I don’t want to discount how difficult it is for you to clearly see yourself here – oh, if only human behavior were so easy to sort out! You identify as the most loyal companion one day then find yourself “dreamed into” situations that undermine you the next. When “one thing leads to another” there are intractable consequences – as your life attests (looking at the chart, moving progressively clockwise from the Sun to the Mercury-Pluto opposition in fifth/eleventh, houses of love affairs & children, social networks). Some people might get away with lifelong affairs, on the sly. Not you. I’d even go so far as to say, for you, there is no such thing as a casual affair.
Your question: will I find a soul mate, a lifelong mate? I’m compelled to answer on behalf of everywoman/soul mate. Please: Divulge your history. Don’t lie to me. I need your lifelong commitment – to honesty and recovery. Be painfully open with me about where you are in recovery. And for those social situations that passively whisper, sexual abandon, have an emergency plan: “my soul mate is waiting, excuse me…”
And speaking for the wise parent inside you hungering for your personal accountability -and- compassion (Capricorn Moon square Neptune),
I say: let go of the guilt, keep the lesson. You’ve atoned long enough. You’re not doomed to repeat the past. As Saturn transits your Cancer/Capricorn nodes through June – you have the opportunity to shift old patterns, put tangible life supports in place. Aim for higher ground. Pull on your wisdom & integrity. So when your soul mate arrives, you’re ready.
Want to know Jeffrey’s take? Go to Seduction Central and get Jeffrey’s responseï¿½ then read “They Said” for their bottom line!
There’s no easy solution here. But only you can create a standard of behavior and hold yourself to it. Start by taking full personal responsibility for your past infidelities and know you can choose differently. Make friends with self-discipline. Give yourself real supports and emergency strategies around those “heat of the moment” impulses. Learn from the past and you won’t repeat it.
To submit your free burning love question to be answered in “He Said/She Said”, contact Jessica or Jeffrey with the words He Said/She Said in the subject line. Would you like to go deeper? In-depth personal readings are available from both Jessica and Jeffrey. Email them!