Venus and Chiron have been dancing together in the sky and this hasn’t been a make-out party. Because Pluto has been square my Chiron, my Venus-Chiron configuration has been dominating my awareness (Venus in Cancer, my chart ruler, is in the tenth house, square Chiron-Aries-Moon conjunct in the seventh house), I thought this might be a good time to write a bit about how Venus- Chiron manifests in our lives, and how I’m working to redeem the painful sensitivity we experience in the slings and arrows of relating/connection.

Firstly, those born with Chiron-Venus (and Chiron in the 7th):

  • are extremely sensitive to relationship disharmony
  • will often do anything we can to not feel aggression, pain, in loved ones, even at the expense of our own happiness and wholeness
  • feel our relationship life is different, somehow, from mainstream
  • have ongoing experiences of rejection, abandonment in relationship
  • form an unconscious expectation to being rejected or abandoned by others because we have been rejected, abandoned in the past
  • need to become self-aware, honest in relationship so as to not compulsively repeat/attract the pattern or person which has hurt us in the past

Because of this, we are gifted with:

  • copious sensitivity and empathy for the suffering of others, humankind
  • wisdom to the ways others are hurting, and, more importantly, how we hurt our selves for love + connection to others
  • sensitivity to those who are rejected for being different
  • the ability to value the flaws, scars, vulnerabilities, differences and imperfections that make a person, thing, art form more beautiful and interesting
  • a deep desire to heal misunderstandings in our perceptions about relationship, our self-worth and self-valuation
  • the strength to survive relationship adversity, and the ability to make our own pain and suffering meaningful, artful, beautiful

What follows is a personal account of transiting Pluto square my Chiron-Venus.

Bleed Less

As transiting Pluto exactly squares my Chiron, I’ve felt: pain about past rejection, alienation, differentness from others -as a reflection of disconnection from my deeper self- and both futility and hope when it comes to relating. Relating, connecting has been such a source of painful sensitivity for several years, and I sense I’m clearing out all of the ways I’ve felt rejected, alone and abandoned. The main way I’m working with this is allowing the feelings when they come up.

I’ve been pondering the meaning of Chiron-Venus; looking for its redemptive qualities. Connections have been a source of pain. I’d like to bleed less.

Feeling low yet not wanting to wallow, I decided to repair some ceramic pots that were damaged on the ship’s voyage to Hawaii. As I started the process, I began to sense I was repairing myself, giving care and attention to my broken spots.

The process of repairing the pot reminded me of the Japanese art form of kintsugi, the art of repairing broken ceramics with beautiful gold filling. This movement began when a Japanese shogun sent a cracked tea bowl for repair and it was returned rather uncomely. Motivated to find an aesthetically pleasing way to fix it, a movement was born. The idea was philosophically inspired by several Japanese concepts like, wabi-sabi – the idea that something imperfect, damaged or scarred can be made more beautiful for it, mottainai – a regret of waste, and mushin – the acceptance of change.

I became inspired to turn that gorilla glue gash in the side of the lapis blue pot into a repair of copper gold- which I remembered I had in my painting kit. Ironically, while scraping off the foamy glue with a razor blade, I also accidentally cut myself, and bled. I thought about the meaning of this.

Here had been my morning process: After a weekend clouded by sensitivity over an interaction, and having regular talks with myself in which I repeated “I give zero f***s!” (what can I say, Moon in Aries- cursing clears energy), I had awakened feeling hopeful, refreshed, and wanting to do something nice for someone. But a few minutes into said project the thought began: They probably won’t appreciate it (and not respond, ie, reject me). Or, maybe they’ll think I’m weird! A cascade of thoughts began, about past rejections and anticipation of future ones. The only thing to do was witness the pain energetically (without adding the mind’s story about any of it). The pain was sharp at first, but soon crested like a wave and receded. After a few minutes, it became impossible to feel pain. I only felt peace. I wouldn’t say this pain is permanently gone, but when we allow energy to move through us we transmute it. Space opens up. For new life, peace. Hence, the feeling of hope.

As I repaired the pot, I realized this pot had made a journey across the sea and has been changed for that experience. And it is still here. I am still here. So is my grandmother’s hope chest. Hope. I recalled my grandmother’s wooden one hundred and forty years’ old chest, brought over on the ship, too, which also suffered yet another break in the same old vulnerable spot it has had for years. Just like me. I have a vulnerability in a certain area. I “break easily” here.

As I do the repair work on my self, on the pot, I perform kintsugi on myself, a Chironian surgery of sorts. I offer gentle care and attention to my tender spots. The desire to redeem something painful and turn into something beautiful has motivated my life and art for years now. I realized I am kin with the things of this Earth, because I am on an Earth journey. We break, have weaknesses, frailties, and our experiences do not leave us unscathed, unaltered.

This is the alchemy of Venus-Chiron; as we develop this capacity to deeply embrace the estranged parts of our self, we heal into new expressions for relating and expressing. We may kick and scream when we bleed and get hurt, but as we go into the personal and become so intimate with the cracks and brokenness, we see there is beauty in the loving attention we offer to all that is and has ever been broken, hurt, misunderstood, different, rejected, scarred by life’s experiences. We do not throw out our pain. Our loving attention is the gold.

Which is why, today, in spite of it all, I feel hopeful as the dawn, as fresh as our plumeria blossom littered lawn in the morning mist. This process of feeling the depths of rejection, differentness, abandonment, and releasing it, does not define me. This is important for Venus-Chiron to remember. I know that the feeling life does not have that kind of power; I know because I’ve survived the worst kinds of hell. I am more than the feelings of rejection and abandonment. Today, I am able to bask in the glorious golden tropical light. Today, I am still here.

image: Kintsugi Heart by Addi Miyako