This Aries Mercury retrograde period has had me engaging old habits, ones I thought I’d moved on from… but as the saying goes, “old habits die hard.” A project I’d taken on has several components that I’m not totally aligned with, and I found myself, on numerous occasions, trying to override my “me not likey” instinct.
I can make this work, I thought. But the harder I tried to like it, the more funky I felt.
Not liking something is a boundary. It’s clear, direct information from the Soul (So is trying; the energy of trying to do always invites struggle, not peace.)
The biggest, loudest, “energetic” arguments I have are the ones where my Ego doesn’t want to hear what my Soul is saying. Which is often as simple as “this activity, project, person isn’t aligned with me”. When I’m not acknowledging the honest truth of my Higher Self, or Soul, I experience sleepless nights, inner tension and indecision. Plus, when I’m in this state of dissonance and misalignment, I make myself vulnerable to picking up icky external energies that aren’t mine.
After spending a good amount of mental activity futilely trying to find loopholes (I can do it this way… I’ll change that…), I realized I’ve been down this same road many times before. I was attempting to argue with a Soul boundary about who I AM– which I know, from past experiences, is non-negotiable. Acknowledging that truth felt good, until the drama kicked up. I thought: Now I’ll have to cancel the whole thing! That’s when I knew it was my Ego talking. Ego loves making the thing it perceives as troubling or uncomfortable into the object of its salvation or annihilation. Do or die. Ego thinks, this (_) will kill or save me.
Living with retrograde Mercury in Aries has been a bit like having a PTSD army general living inside one’s head, barking out old commands, strategies, that are no longer relevant.
So how do we know whether we’re listening to the voice of our Ego, or the wisdom of our Soul’s truth?
First, Soul never speaks that way. Your Soul never turns anything into your enemy or savior. It only wants honest acknowledgement. Then, with that awareness, you discover the freedom to go about your business, now informed by your Soul’s truth.
Here’s some other signs you are speaking with Soul:
-The answers, or voice you hear, feel peaceful.
-You are firmly in present time, not the future or the past (which creates anxiety).
-You are thinking in terms of solutions, not problems. Whereas the Ego sees only problems, the Soul thinks in terms of solutions, so finds them.
Usually when we are experiencing acute mental conflict, no decisions need to be made, only shifts of perception.
I realized that while certain parts of this project really aren’t my thing, and I will probably feel funky and out of sorts about these pieces because they aren’t aligned with me, I’m not trying to change my Soul’s core truth any longer. I can honor the boundary of my No and allow it to co-exist with the other Yes’s I’m feeling within this same project.
Has your Ego been arguing with your Soul’s truth? Is your mind, in its obsessing, trying to fix, or solve, overriding a deeper knowing? Are you tricking yourself into thinking you can outsmart what you know deep down to be true about, and just right for, you?
As Aries New Moon aligns with itchy Uranus, the Great Awakener, and Mercury in Aries moves direct this same day, the biggest shifts we may experience involve being awakened into deeper engagement with our Soul’s non-negotiable truth about who we are. Giving our selves permission to be the unique person we are is a beautifully liberating experience– and is the most potentially rewarding personal victory that Uranus in Aries can offer us. Yet the urgency of Aries energies also turns up the potential for mental conflict and stress.
To aid, it’s helpful to align with the energy of Soul. Slow down. Are you listening to your Ego, or Soul? It is time to listen for your most authentic voice to emerge.
Some old habits really do die hard. Mercury RX has repeated and replayed old patterns to help us get a handle on what is ready to evolve. Be kind and gentle on your self, and if possible, playful. That will help ease the transition. All can be regarded as interesting self-discoveries about our self, not emergencies. Wherever and however you are ready to move into a healthier, more integrated, aligned reflection of the true you, this is the Moon to do it.