I was at a beach in Kauai, topaz blue waves gently lapping, when I overheard a conversation between the two women next to me. “I’ve been so screwed up…something something… Mercury retrograde…something something…I just can’t figure things out,” said the younger woman, festive earrings dangling from her pretty but pinched face. Like a mantra, her energy said: I’m not okay. I’m not okay.
The next morning outside a coffee house, different people, similar conversation. “How are you?” asked a concerned looking friend of the waitress. “I’m really struggling…something something…having trouble adjusting.” The older person offered a healing or therapy session. There it is again, I thought. I’m not okay.
Lately I’d noticed how the message “I’m not okay” had been affecting me, which is probably why the energy of these particular people caught my attention. A visitor had come to town, someone I care about, and I observed how I felt in her presence. On paper everything was was beautiful, life was abundant. There was no real emergency. So why was I feeling like there was? Because of the energy she emanated: things are not okay. This created a sort of energetic drama, a swirl of emotional intensity and irritation surrounding even mundane interactions.
I had noticed what was happening inside me. The moment I believe that someone is not okay, I’m buying into the story that they’re not, and then it’s easy to lose my center. Which isn’t helpful to them, or to me.
So I had been working on a practice, grounding into “I’m okay.” Because I am okay, and so are you. Truly.
Here’s the practice: ground, root, center and drop into your belly. Sit with whatever sensation you have, no matter how uncomfortable, without analyzing it. It might be pain, stress, or a limiting perception. Now ask the question Am I Okay? and wait for the answer energetically. Don’t force it. Allow it to arise, from your Soul. (hint: there is one true answer, and if you’re receiving otherwise, it’s your mind telling a story). It’s subtle at first, and takes a little practice, but when I gently ask the question, a calm billowy energy arises and continues to expand. Sit with that a few minutes, to anchor into it.
This practice can quickly return you to sanity. Have you ever felt your emotional and mental energy build like a balloon and expand into spin out? One minute you’re in your mind, the next you’re feeling anxious and unsafe? “I’m not okay” is at its core. When my energy drifts into wobbly, worried, fretful, territory I do this practice, ask Am I Okay?… and I am.
To be clear, feeling “not okay” is not the same as being not okay, and that’s what we’re reminding our self. Most of the time when we tell our selves we’re not okay, it’s untrue. My husband recently got stuck in a coral reef nicknamed “the garden” because surfers get stranded on their boards and the only way they can paddle out is by waiting for the tide to slowly push them out — like being stuck on top of a coral garden. He told me that a surfer became stranded today, which is apparently common, but it was serious this time. Friends yelled from a few hundred yards away, “are you okay?” He said he wasn’t. An ambulance was called, he ended up needing stitches. His life was at risk. That’s “I’m not okay”.
Virgo season can amp up anxiety and habits of mentally analyzing things over and over in our minds. It is easy to convince our selves we, or others, are not okay, and let that small thought throw us off center. Yet be truly helpful toward others, and especially toward our self, we need to hold a larger perspective. To see our self and others as already whole and perfect is the most healing perspective we can hold. It is simply a decision we make. To decide, there is nothing wrong with them, even when they think there is, and here is nothing wrong with us, even when we think there is!
Feel how that feels in your body. Feel the Yes!!! in this, the rightness of it, the faith in the perfection of life and of YOU.
This is how we heal. This is how we move forward in times of uncertainty with utmost ease and grace. This is how we really know and begin to trust, in our energy body, that there are no wrong decisions, no mistakes we can make, ever, and that no passing emotion, stress, or limitation changes the truth of who we are. We decide to see our self primarily as whole, first and foremost. Everything else is just life moving through us. Conditions that constantly change.
This doesn’t mean we don’t feel things that are adverse – and sometimes our physiological response to pain is accurate in its assessment. When we are in physical pain, the mind will tell us we are not okay in order to get out of it. It will analyze and look for ways of fixing the situation. That’s a hardwired response we sometimes have to try and override.
But no matter what is happening…we are essentially okay. If I have a headache or another pain, I’m okay. If I’ve got some issues to deal with, I’m okay. If life has surprised me and I’m working on adjusting to the changes, I’m still okay.
On an energetic level, the moment I think I’m not okay, I’m not. The moment I decide I’m okay, I am. This is not an affirmation, not something you repeat to yourself in your head to try to convince yourself. It is not a denial of the reality that you also have struggles and things you’d like to be different. It is choosing to have an energetic experience, of the perfection of one’s True Self, and your faith in life’s ability to hold you through it all. And that makes all the difference.