I have off days. I have days where I am not feeling quite like myself. Days I fall into wormholes of conditioning, conditioning that I’m not sure I know how to work through.
I have sleepless nights, nights where I awaken a lot and feel shitty.
Nights where I just want the morning to arrive so the darkness will disperse. Days and nights I feel I’ve lost my magic and wonder if I will ever get it back. The only reasonable response I can have for this is compassion toward myself; any other response is unkind.
I am Human.
I have exceptional days. Days when I feel deeply peaceful and connected with all of life. Days I feel so content that there is nothing I would want to be different than what is. I have nights of deep dreaming, that lead to mornings where I awaken refreshed, restored and healed. Nights of such remarkable peace that I cannot remember or imagine ever feeling anything but this.
I am Divine.
I have moments. Moments of bleak tiredness, of being too hard on myself, of getting distracted, moments of grief. Moments of hunger, and of stories. I have moments where energy around me distorts my perception of myself and of life. Moments of being human.
I have moments of startling beauty. Moments of bliss that happen when I’m not looking. Moments of clarity, presence, knowing. I have moments of inward connection with vast stillness, a peace so deep, loving and safe. Feeling so Good. Moments of remembering who I AM.
Ten minutes ago, I was Human; now I’m Divine. Ten minutes ago, I was Divine; hello again, Human. Hello, Human. Hello, Divinity. I feel good. I feel bad. Switch. It can happen that quickly.
This is being Human and Divine. I am Human, I am Divine. I am both, often in the same night.
I cannot be one without also being the other. These two are Lovers. The Divine gently running her fingers of Light through the knotty-haired thoughts of the Human, helping her to untangle, to simply love and acknowledge all of what she is experiencing. The Human reminding the Divine of the soft body, the vulnerable heart in need of tending, injustices experienced, feelings that must be felt. This is how it is. Not running from our body, our difficult feelings, our suffering… but offering the Light of Presence to ALL of what we are experiencing.
Acknowledging, even more deeply, our Humanness: When we are disappointed. Where we hurt. When we could be kinder, gentler on our self, where we could apply a little more patience and dedication toward our deepest and most heartfelt wishes. Listening to what we most want. Listening to when it is time to honor our self. Listening to what Truth feels like. Knowing what a lie feels like. Knowing when we are not listening to our self. Healing our self-protective mechanisms, ways we learned to survive, understanding why we do that. Our desire to no longer suffer.
Acknowledging, even more deeply our Divinity: Our capacity for realization, change and forgiveness. Our ability to accept what, to the Ego, is unacceptable. Our invincibility -which is not the same as being invulnerable to life, but rising to life, often with tears in our eyes, again and again and again. Our determination to figure out what seems impossible, or out of reach. Our digging deep into our Soul, asking: What is TRUTH, here? Our willingness to learn, to curiously question our perceptions, to be shown another way. Our ability to experience clarity amidst confusion, peace within the roughest storm, to surrender to stillness. Our willingness to be okay. Our awareness: I AM okay.
We are not meant to transcend our Humanity but embrace it more fully, lovingly, honestly. Respect it.
We are not meant to be Human without experiencing our Divinity, our incredible magic and power. Invoke it.
This is the integration of the Human and the Divine. We are not at the mercy of being Human. We are not meant to move through life without inviting the powerful magic of our Divinity to show us how to move beyond the limits of our perceptions and suffering. We are not meant to transcend our humanity, to fly into Light without feeling all we feel. My being Divine does not mean I will not suffer; my being Human does not mean I am not also awesome, magical and powerful by birthright. To remember, then, I AM both. I AM Human and Divine. I AM whole.
painting: Blue Lovers by Marc Chagall