I want you to do something with me on this Dark of the Moon Eclipse.
Remember that time you felt what you most wanted and needed was impossible for you?
Remember that time when you were so discouraged, defeated and broken down that you thought you couldn’t continue…and perhaps, even, you didn’t want to go on in life?
Remember when you thought you couldn’t survive THAT (grief, pain, loss, lack)?
Now, come back into this moment. There you go. Here you are.
You did survive. You, eventually, found possibilities within what felt impossible.
You came back from defeat and loss and, eventually, you could smile again.
Even belly laugh. Eventually.
Over and over again, you have come back. You returned from the underworld with more compassion and heart, greater self-knowledge, and deeper understanding and respect for the mysterious human journey.
This morning, I have been reminding myself of the triumphant Human Spirit. We are so brave, so courageous, so adaptable. The Soul may not be touched by any of this (read my last post) because it is Eternal and has all the Answers… but the Human? The Human is here to work it out. To not have the answers in advance, to not know, and to still take one step forward. That’s Inner Knowing/Wisdom – where to place your foot in this particular moment, then the next.
((I love Clarissa Pinkola Estes’ definition of wisdom: What’s Wisdom? Wisdom is whatever works.))
Why am I reminding you of your remarkable resilience and capacity?
I’ve been thinking of this because I’ve had a hell of a time with chronic pain this autumn. If years of prayer, dedication, curiosity, discipline and persistence were the Answers for this, I’d be cured by now. The Answers (with a capital A) have ONLY come in the form of what’s needed moment by moment. So much so that I have to assume this minute and precise inner listening, getting really still, so quiet, and noticing everything, is THE Integration, is WHAT is unfolding for me.
I am remembering this because it is so TEMPTING to think that something is wrong or tragically broken within us, when things just won’t shift, transform or heal… Yet.
The reminder is: Victories have occurred in my life, and in yours. The reality of this is: It will happen when it happens.
So, at this eclipse, I choose to be triumphant: Amidst hardship, I choose to remember all I have overcome. In true Sagittarius spirit, I am choosing to step back, get perspective, see the big picture.
I am choosing to embrace the one who suffers, while also acknowledging the unique journey this has strange pain has taken me on, over the course of my life. Because without ALL of the experiences that have shaped me, I simply wouldn’t be ME. I choose to acknowledge the suffering -AND- where the suffering has led me…
-At age 17, I became mysteriously ill. I had to leave school. I lost all my friends. In the time I spent in bed, unable to engage with life, I learned astrology (I “happened to” live just a few blocks away from the only metaphysical bookstore in town). By age 21, I had healed enough to be on my own, finally.
-At age 27, I became injured jumping off a waterfall which led to fibromyalgia (chronic pain).
-At age 28, I was in chronic pain, jobless, and homeless. I practiced metaphysical techniques in earnest; manifesting a job, house and permanently transformed my poverty consciousness.
-At age 29 I decided to practice astrology professionally and undertook what would become a seven year mentorship with an astrologer.
-At age 30, spending so much energy on SURVIVAL, I’d work, come home, and manage pain; I thought I’d be alone forever. This prompted me to use spiritual techniques to draw love to me. Age 32, I became engaged to my Soul Mate, quit my job and began writing and practicing professional astrology full-time. At age 35, I wrote my first book, A Love Alchemists Notebook chronicling this love experiment, and my healing. At age 37 it was published…
…All the while, I have learned and experimented with many healing modalities, some that worked and some that didn’t, and embraced my identity as a Healer.
This is the exercise of life: We meet obstacles and we rise to them, again and again. We find the courage and resilience to not be defeated.
There’s a poem I published on my Facebook page, and the last line has stayed with me, so I want to share it again. It’s a poem called Keeping Quiet by the Chilean poet Pablo Neruda (linked), who wrote beautiful words, and likewise he lived beautifully (I’ve visited his house in Santiago, Chile; it is extraordinary), but he also lived during a very tumultuous time and eventually he was (likely) murdered for his political beliefs. He had a triumphant spirit, most certainly.
You can read the full poem but here is the line that stands out to me:
Perhaps the earth can teach us
as when everything seems dead
and later proves to be alive.
It’s been true for me, and I imagine it’s true for you. When things appear at their most dismal (and perhaps we can only see this in hindsight), this is the time we most often overlook this Truth: Something is growing, moving, underneath. New beginnings. Openings. Clearing of space. Life.
This is how my calling has worked: despair transformed into personal inquiry transformed into forward movement transformed into becoming. Always transforming.
May this Sagittarius Eclipse inspire you to remember who you are: You are so MUCH MORE than the obstacles you face. You are Magnificent.