The Kettle Calls the Pot Black, Capricorn Distrusts Cancer

by | Nov 24, 2007 | Ask MoonKissd - Advice Column | 1 comment

Dear Moonkissd,

I’ve been following your blog for a while now, it makes a very interesting and insightful read!

I have a question regarding my ex Capricorn boyfriend. We were together for a little less than four years and the plan was to get married, have kids, live a life together. I still cry over it when I think about it.

We split up 8 months ago, and I still find my self loving him just the same and endlessly hoping he will return to me one day. The situation was very serious, especially for a guy like him who builds all of his relationships in life on trust, and he decided to dump me. What happened is that another guy kissed me, which I wasn’t really expecting and my ex found about it.

This made other presumptions about my (in)fidelity. He didn’t believe that I didn’t want that to happen, and he strongly believes I have cheated for real but won’t admit it. I never did cheat, but once broken, his trust to me was set never to be rebuilt.

I’m willing to try once more I’m ready to work for it. Is there a glitch, a back door I could use? My initial idea was to try to get close to him again, be friendly and that by time he just might get the feeling of safety and wish to come back on its own.

(My b-day: July, 11th, 1981. 12:17AM, his b-day: January, 5th, 1981. 3:30AM)

Dear Krebs (Cancer, in German),

Many a Capricorn learns lessons in love, the hard way. Part of the reason is that they fear rejection, deeply. And on some level, they feel as separate and painfully alone in the world as any Cancer. The isolation of being alone is unbearable, but the risk of loving another means they have to give up a piece of their separateness to truly be with another.

As a Cancer, you’re familiar with his fear of rejection, his fear of being unloved. But the difference is, Cancer understands that she will stay lonely – and possibly forever – if she doesn’t make her self vulnerable to another. Getting your feelings hurt, wading through the misunderstandings, becoming utterly dependent and vulnerable to another – all apart of loving for Crab. Oh, did I just say dependency? How terrifying. Becoming so utterly dependent on someone, so were they to betray your trust, you’d (emotionally) die? No, Capricorn just won’t let it happen. His comfort zone is control. He can suppress those painful feelings on principal if he chooses. He says you violated his (quite fragile) boundary of trust, and now he’s paying the price of his choice – alienation from the person he loves.

His lifelong enemy is his own blind stubbornness, and I mean this literally. With his south node in Aquarius conjunct Mars and square Chiron in Taurus, he has this inner character inside, and he looks like a little guy shaking his fist at the big, bad world – who or whatever that happens to be at the time. Right now it’s you. He’s angry. He’s stubborn. He’s convinced himself that his loyalty has been betrayed through a clear sexual/moral transgression (the wounded attitude of Chiron in Taurus). It might help your understanding to know that this is an easy, knee-jerk behavior for your Goat and it unhealthily defends him against opening his heart (Leo north node).

He’s so much more comfortable being angry and defiant, taking pot shots at you for your supposed infidelity, than considering another, just as plausible reality: People make mistakes. And they deserve to be forgiven. People do it all the time. And that’s where love deepens, from role playing boyfriend and girlfriend to real lovers, marriage partners, soul mates. You were placed in an uncomfortable position for which you don’t deserve to be blamed. You do deserve empathy and you deserve understanding. You deserve someone who loves you more than he loves his ego, his finger wagging and his shaming.

And yet, if anyone can open his heart, it’s you. You have Venus in Leo on his north node – if you can reach him, you can teach him. How can you show him the depth of loyalty you have in your heart? It will take some radical honesty on his part, a willingness to look at him self. He’s wrestling with his shadow, which takes relentless self-honesty – and maturity. You could consider taking the salt off the wound by moving it from personal, to hypothetical. For example, throughout history, how many Kings have stood by their Queens when their integrity was in question, and by virtue of believing in their Queen – embodied the true meaning of loyalty? How many marriages have not crumbled, but stayed together after a real (not imagined) affair? Can you tell him that your loyalty to him is not in question here – that his disloyalty is causing this pain? His disloyalty is walking around kissing other people. His disloyalty is refusing to continue the relationship. His disloyalty is his own betrayal of trust: in your love for him.

And all this is buried deep in his fearful heart. Maybe all you can do is help him grasp a new and perhaps radical way of looking at him self…& at love. Whether he decides to open his heart is up to him. For both of you, I do believe this is a love worth fighting for. Yet if he’s not ready to let this strong pattern go, he’s not ready. And at that point, your choice in the matter is to let this whole experience open your heart even wider, or close it. I hope you do the latter. Don’t turn into the walking wounded, Cancer. You’ve got far too much beautiful love to give!



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1 Comment

  1. Darcampb

    I wish you’d asked her what were the circumstances of the kiss. Was this a one time slip in judgement, a misunderstanding, or was she courting another man’s affections , with the kissing being the culmination? If its the latter than I wholeheartledly empathize with Capricorn’s devastation at this breach in trust. It seems to me that it would be relevant to have a few more details before advising or judging his reaction in this case.

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