Introducing a new bi-monthly astrology love advice column! He Said,She Said features a love advice question answered by professional astrologers Jessica Shepherd of Moonkissd and Jeffrey Kishner of Seduction Central . After they each provide their perspective, they combine their insight to offer advice they both can agree on.

Here’s this week’s Reader Question:

I am a Capricorn woman. I have much to be grateful for but the one area of my life that is a perpetual source of frustration is my romantic life. I have dated a lot, I attract men, but my romances are always so fleeting, end abruptly, and not usually by me. I have tried all sorts of positive ways to handle being single, but it’s getting rough to keep up the good attitude. Recently I had a date with a Leo man who literally could not wait to see me again, he wanted to see me the very next night. I couldn’t see him until a few days later, but he ended up canceling our date the morning of, and never returning my call to reschedule. It honestly was baffling to me. This happens a lot to me, men who are very hot then very cold. Sometimes I worry that I will never experience true long term intimacy, or marriage and kids, which makes me very sad. I want those things. Any advice?

She said:

Our relationships begin with�our self�- so that’s where I’ll start. With Aries Mars near the Ascendant and the Capricorn Sun in the tenth, you’re one formidable chick! I’d venture to guess that you were born with a specific image about who you wanted to be. Self-directed and in charge -that’s how you feel safe, sane, happy and fulfilled.

You have maverick ambition, you’re an exceptionally self-contained woman. Yet your question was about relationship. So let’s say… you’re out on a date and you’ve already decided where to eat, the best parking, and thought up the conversation topics in advance. So I ask: what’s the other person reality? Hmm… your date’s collar is tightening.

Now for a parallel scenario, perhaps more familiar: you have a handle on every part of your life – except relationship. Pick out a restaurant, you think, ha! I can’t even get him to return my call! Notice how, when another’s behavior becomes unfathomable, your only choice is to surrender control, not your typical mode. I’m not trying to rub salt in the wound, but this holds a big clue for you.

Experiencing the irrational and confusing “other” is an evolutionary need for you. Because through attempting to understand the absolute independence of other human beings to do and be exactly who they are – your strong boundaries loosen and you relate, which is essentially honoring another’s often strange experience. And my how dramatically different they are from you!

Unconventional relationships, the kind that might make your more conservative parents (or community) say, wow I never knew that side of her! are described by your 7th house Uranus and Venus in Aquarius. That these “different” people shake you up and sometimes exhibit confusing behavior that undermines your sense of security is also true (Venus in T-square to Neptune/Saturn).

People do run hot and cold. And being willing to be changed by them is a big, scary step. Allowing any relationship (even the brief ones) to unravel your reality a little, compassionately helps you locate an underlying same-ness – despite evidence otherwise. You need to feel safe too, which involves exercising good judgment.

And people are complex. Sometimes empathic understanding breaks through their skittish behavior; and other times its right to move on. But in essence, your toleration for ambiguity and paradox in others will deepen your ability to relate to all walks of life -and lead to love.

He Said:

Want to know Jeffrey’s take? Go to Seduction Central and get Jeffrey’s response then read “They Said” for an answer they both agree on.

They Said:

It�takes time to�find a partner worthy of your love. Weed out those who don’t meet your basic partnership needs and aim for the highest qualities in the�men�you attract .�Once you do this, try letting your guard down. You might find yourself attracted to and�changed�by someone very different from you.

�Jessica and Jeffrey are both available for personal consultation. Check their respective websites to find out more.