Recession Proof Your Love Life

by | Nov 5, 2008 | Love and Relationships | 0 comments

This whole recession business brings up an obvious conundrum for the single gal or guy looking for love. The dollar is deflated balloon heartbuying less on the market, and as uncertainty starts to drive our spending habits, on the Love market uncertainty and fear are *the kiss of death. They go against the laws of Venus (who wrote every law of attraction ever written) and really put a cramp in Lady Love’s free flowing style. Venus does however speak the language of strategy. And thriving during recession is all about strategy! Are we making wise emotional investments? Can we safeguard our heart and stay open to love? Are we still in debtors prison? We don’t have to be conservative or miserly with our love to wisen up. Here’s one woman’s strategy for recession proofing your love life.

Eliminate Your Cash-poor Identity.
You’ve heard of an economic recession. What about a man recession? Oh, admit it, you or someone like you, has said before, “There aren’t enough single men!” Fact: whether you live in San Francisco or Raleigh, there has never been a man (or woman) recession. The man recession is a myth perpetuated by a downward turn in the apparent availability of single men. Let’s myth bust by comparing apples to oranges: an economic recession, an abundance of services and less apparent money available to a love recession, abundance of love and less apparent men (or women) to go around. Thinking critically here- money never actually disappears or dries up, and it never leaves circulation. It’s all being aggregated by some rich Suit who’s probably making more of it off the little guy. Similarly men (and women) don’t just disappear during a fallow period in your love life. The love flow, just like cash flow, is only hiding like a fickle lover playing hide and seek. And in all likelihood multiplying – making more of itself – making more love. To change your man poor mindset, it only takes a change of attitude. Today declare: I no longer perpetuate the man-recession myth in my life!

Cut Your (emotional) Costs.
Libra/Scorpio cusp born songstress Ani DiFranco has this great song about listening to your intuition in relationship called “lag time” in which she sings “there’s no hope for me and that three second rule, something gets dropped and I’m the slowest damn fool…to realize what’s really going on, in a moment to realize who or what has gone wrong. I wanna tighten up on the lag time.” We all have intuition, whether we act on it or not, and that lag time, the time between when someone shows us who we are, and the date we act on that knowledge – is often longer than 3 seconds. The emotional costs of knowing this person is not quite right, and not acting, can get more dangerous than shopping on credit during Christmas season. I have a personal example: a friend of mine told me she was worried that her new friends would discover she was actually a b****. This was a shocking declaration because it was incongruent with my image and experience of her. Still, I took that statement seriously. I didn’t end the friendship; I just looked at that feedback critically, and let it inform future dealings. Here’s what I know for sure: when people tell us who they are, listen. When they show you, listen. This applies double when it comes to our love lives. We all know what happens when we allow our hearts to give indiscriminately, like an ATM card with unlimited cash. The only person who ends up footing the bill is you.

Clear Up Old Debts.
Carrying a high-balance is a real credit risk to other investors. The same rules apply to other people who might be interested in making an investment in you but sense you’ve energy cords are tied to someone else. I have a client who knows she’s meant to get back together with a past love. I have no idea whether this relationship is “meant to be” but I do know about that holding onto an expired relationship can create real blocks from receiving new love. How do we know when it’s over? One way to know is to ask your self: have I given this person what I needed to give them? Have they taught me what I needed to learn? If you’ve come up short on answers, try to define the term of this relationship – as in loan term. If you’re going stay invested, for how long? Consider giving this relationship contract a real life expiration date. A ritual ending might help: like, performing a big burn of all old relationship relics, or the repaying of an actual debt. If you still owe money to an ex for the air mattress you borrowed years ago, after having burnt a hole in it with patchouli incense – pay it forward, now. Ex’s are like creditors with invisible lines into your love bank account. Chances are, someone’s waiting to invest in you.

Re-finance (or invest in who you already have).
Finally, if you’re refinancing your house, you’re using proceeds from a new loan to pay off another. You can use this same idea, leveraging the capital from one relationship into a more meaningful or growing-in-value one. This needn’t be an entirely new acquisition; I bet someone in your life is eagerly waiting for you to up your investment in them. You can take a casual relationship with promise, from silver status (they’re just my work friends) to gold (Friday night dancing). And cha-ching! You’ve invested! Which is a good idea if you want an adult relationship with lasting long-term value. By recognizing those people who are in your life already, are golden, you communicate that you take the worth of all your relationships, seriously. Get to it.

What to know more about growing in love during the recession? Start following my new Venus & Beyond: Love on the Outer Planets blog at for more juicy love tips.


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