This is a Catrina doll.
In Mexico, Catrina is associated with the Day of the Dead. I believe she is mine, and everyone’s, wounded inner child.
…those huge wide eyes? Eyes that saw what you weren’t permitted to see.
…her stitched up mouth? All you weren’t allowed to say.
…that upside down nose? That nose knows …how to smell a rat.
When I first brought this Catarina doll into our home, my husband said it scared him. He wanted me to put it away. He didn’t want it to sit there in the corner like that, staring at him, those big eyes, seeing everything but saying nothing. All-seeing, and all-knowing.
I moved her to a better vantage point, so he could see more of her, not less.
We all have a Catarina inside. Catarina exists because there are parts of our self experience that once did not feel safe enough to feel, say, see, admit. She has been hurt, through omission, neglect. She has been told her experience does not matter. She has been taught that what she feels, sees, knows to be True…isn’t. Catarina holds all that has been denied us. She has been wronged.
She may look like a small doll, soooo small, but she is a BIG archetype.
She holds incredible power, even big fear, for “just a doll.”
(Perhaps, all the dolls suggest to me, the more we minimize something vital to us, make it smaller, the larger it looms in the shadows.)
Of all the scary dolls I’ve known – remembering many from my own grandmothers basement- Catarina is the first I’ve given proper due. I’ve offered her/myself a central seat in our home. I know better than to hide her away, so as not to scare others. I see her as a symbol of what I have endured; what was once denied in myself, I now embrace with LOVE.
This weekend’s Scorpio/Taurus Lunar Eclipse may bring a few skeletons out of your closet. Security issues are highlighted, and this includes abandonment, rejection, betrayal wounds. This is all UP for healing integration.
Remember, the Ego just wants to feel, safe, good and loved.
To know it is, you are, OKAY. All Good. Right Here.
So, if you get triggered this week, hold your little Catarina closer. Give her a more central place in your home, relationship, life. Ask her what she needs.
…maybe she needs you to tell her a story, a retelling of a time when you were hurt, so you can connect the dots and pull apart what was then, from what is now.
…maybe she needs your acknowledgement, of a Truth.
… likely, she needs more compassion and understanding from you, yourself, towards yourself.
Bring what was once rejected, abandoned or denied, closer in. Invite all that is unsaid, unseen, unacknowledged, too terrifying, scary…to the table, or chair, as it were.
That’s how the scary fear loses its power, and is brought down to right size.