This past weekend I offered an Energy Clearing class, and one of the intuitive energy clearing practices was for Self-Forgiveness.
I wasn’t sure I was going to do this practice– but it had been coming up for me, lately, so I went with it. It appeared to resonate. One participant said, “We women, we are so hard on ourselves.” That was a punch to the gut; we all felt that. Another participant spoke to the way that holding on to emotions can make us physically ill. Yet another said she was really struggling with forgiving herself, lately. Forgiveness work feels Saturn in Pisces to me! Saturn’s hardships often point out the necessity of “ending” things that have outlived their usefulness in our lives, and Pisces expands through letting go.
Mercury is in Virgo, now retrograde. It’s traveling through my twelfth house it is psychically stimulating old habits of self-undoing conditioning I thought I’d put to rest. Interestingly, a few days before this retrograde, I had this dream: I just made a difficult journey through a winding obstacle course type path, when I decided to do it again – this time in the dark! Navigating a dark and perilous trench, I thought: “Why ever would I choose to go through this again?!” You know what I “heard”? Learning. Ahhh, I thought, upon awakening: Here we go again. Repeats and remembering.
If old stories are coming up for you, you are not alone. With Wednesday’s Pisces Full Moon 6 planets (almost 7) are retrograde, which favors re-trospection, re-dos, re-membering…doing anything with RE- in front of it. I feel part of the reason for this is to rewrite our narrative. Life is long. Some of the stories you believe about yourself are no longer relevant to who you are today. Writers are rewriters of narrative, as are healers. In my book, A Love Alchemist’s Notebook, I created a “spell” called Change the End of the Story. When I offered EFT sessions, I helped my clients reimagine and reimprint a new, better, ending for traumas endured. I like this definition of healing: Healing is only a shift in your perception. This has always held True for me.
I’m doing more self-forgiveness/release work, now. Inherent to this is catching up with myself – running what I once learned against the Truth of who I am today. This sparked a writing exercise, which you can do with me, if you like…
The practice: Get your Just Love journal and make a list of things you’d like to forgive yourself for, understanding, or release. Sometimes we don’t realize just how much we are holding onto, and how much it is subtly affecting us, until we engage the questions, “What can I forgive myself about?” “Can I offer myself more understanding in an area I’ve been a little too critical of myself around?” “Is there anything I’d love to release, once and for all?”
Then, use the following sentence structure: “I forgive myself for…” “(I did this because) I learned to…” and “I’ve since learned…” It’s an illuminating process. It allows you to see you pesky self-defeating habits are just perceptions.
I forgive myself my mistakes; I learned it was “wrong” to make them; I’ve since learned that’s the best way to learn.
I forgive myself for all the moments I’ve harshly judged myself; I was taught/conditioned to look at myself very critically; I’ve since learned, when that happens, that is NOT ME looking back. My own gaze is gentle and loving.
I forgive myself for believing my suffering makes me alone, different; I learned to go without help or aid for periods, and I would suffer alone; I’ve since learned to reach out, self-soothe, and that no one is exempt from suffering.
I forgive myself for all the times I told myself I should BE or DO better; I learned this in grade school, and in situations not right for me; I’ve since learned I am okay as I AM, and if I still don’t feel okay, that’s a sign to find a better fit.
I forgive myself for all the ways I’ve mistook feeling badly for having done something “wrong”; because no one taught me otherwise, I learned that feeling badly must mean there is “something wrong with me”; I’ve since learned there is no right/wrong, only what feels best for the unique person I AM. Feeling bad means figure out how to feel better.
I forgive myself for believing the lies of self-doubt, self-questioning and insecurity; how I learned to protect myself from an insecure, raging, authoritarian parent; I’ve since learned when this comes up, usually in situations where I really want to feel secure in my authority and in total self-trust, it’s a conditioned response- it’s NOT ME.
I forgive myself for not trusting myself in moments of distraction, and stress; the adults around me taught me panic and helplessness during stress; I’ve since learned this is a sign to slow way down, ground, recenter.
I forgive myself for believing I am small, limited and that things are impossible; I was taught the narrative of scarcity; I have since learned that my True Nature is limitless and Divine, and that all things are possible for me.
I forgive myself for being so impatient with all of this, all the times I’ve thought “F**k. This AGAIN?!”; I learned things “should” happen quickly; I’ve since learned healing takes time. It will happen when it happens. It took me at least half a lifetime to learn all of this… it’s going to take me awhile to let it all go. 🙂 Till then, I can keep forgiving myself.